Burn in hell smiling
by Iwy'sAshes
Summary: I thought I'd never need anything else in my life as long as I had Jesus and later on, my religious, good husband. Boy was I wrong. A gorgeous, blonde, trouble making girl was in the cards for me, making me need her more that air.
1. innocent

_This is a little story which came to my mind when I saw a girl I remember from school, and boy has she changed over the years. Give it a try and tell me what you think. Oh, right, I've got nothing against religious people, god, Jesus or anything. This is just a story, not meant to offend anyone for their believes. _

_Pairing: Emily/Naomi_

_R: M_

_Disclaimer: Skins' not mine, not making any money with it._

_Three reviews for an update in a week, more and I'll be three? You obviously are not interested in the story. :) so get tipping guys._

* * *

_Like a midnight sun you're the only one who can set me free  
You will set me free_

* * *

I would like to tell you a bit about my life and how I got to this point where I seem to have stopped moving at all.

I guess it started the day I was born, but lets move past the walking, talking, crying, and falling stuff to the interesting bits I myself like to think about. My mother died when I was about four years old, not that I like to think about _that_, obviously, but that made me grow up with only my dad, my very strict, Christian dad. He was very churchly, old fashioned lets say. Very difficult to live with.

As a child I didn't mind wearing ecofriendly clothes, being vegetarian, or listening to classic music. He made me believe the telly was Satan's transmitter, money his way of catching our souls and MTV the way to lose them forever. Of course I've gotten shit from other kids at school for, practically, _everything_ I said, did, or wore but that was fine, Jesus loved me and I sure as hell didn't need anything else. As a child? Screw Nintendo, PlayStation, bicycles, roller-skates, MTV, amusements parks and Nickelodeon. Teenager? Who needs Coke, McDonald's, or Miss Sixty jeans which made my arse look simply amazing? Nike's, Adidas, and Ipods were not important for my poor batted mind, Jesus was with me and all that, didn't need anything else.

I thought I'd never need anything else in my life as long as I had Jesus and later on, my religious, good husband. Boy was I wrong. A gorgeous, blonde, trouble making girl was in the cards for me, making me need her more that air.

When I started, lets say, developing, dad made a point of never looking at me directly again, oh and he made me wear long undergarments. Not that bad, right? In summer, in daylight, in school? No, not that bad. I don't want to start with the problem of different kinds of itching hair sprouting everywhere and me not being able to do anything about it.

My period came very early for a girl, for every girl really, I was nine years old and almost gave my dad a heart attack. He was convinced I've had nasty thoughts and Jesus was punishing me, took him two days until a neighbour, the very nice Mrs. Campbell made him bring me to the gynaecologist. Of course he wouldn't believe when the man said that it was unusual but not unheard of, having a nine year old get the period, he even took me to the priest and made me confess. Problem was, I hadn't done anything to confess for, been a pure soul, as pure as they are when born, fucking boring shit I was.

I think I was thirteen when my pure soul darkened for the first time, leaving me a confused mess afterwards, praying like a lunatic to a god who, as my father says, hates my existence. Of course I haven't had an idea back then and hoped for the best. Jesus loves all his children, right?

It was a hot summer day, mid august, after summer school when it had happened.

* * *

_Seven years ago_

_I'm walking home from school, the sweat is covering every part of my covered skin under these layers of clothing I'm wearing. Everyone is dressed in skirts, vests, even bikinis, that's how hot it is but showing that much skin is a sin I gladly dodge._

_Never taking the bus, I always walk the forty minutes to my house twice a day and never something unusual happens. Every day I get laughed at by the same kids sitting on the bench by the park, by the skaters in front of the park, by the drug addicts on the bridge and at the very last by my neighbours relaxing, sunbathing on their front steps. But today, today is different because the nice Mrs. Campbell is waving at me from afar, at least I think she means me, no one else is on the pavement at the moment. _

_I don't want to keep her waiting so I speed up my steps, smiling shyly when I reach her. "Hello dear, aren't you hot? Come on in, I want you to meet someone and you can get a nice, cold soda while we're at it. Come on." She ushers me inside before I have a chance to protest._

_Her house is very funny, there are always lots of people around and it's very loud. Dad says she's been corrupted and that we have to be extra nice to her, so she'll find her way back. She's never done anything bad to us, that's why we always greet her and take her up on the offer of tea she often invites us for._

_My dad doesn't hate sinning people, he pities them and says we always need to remember that those people have brought evil upon them, they don't need any more problems. I'm allowed to talk to people, but no real friendships come out of this, they think I'm a weird kid who's going to try church them, that's what they say._

"_Here you go." She hands me a freshly made lemonade. Having learned the hard way, she knows that I'm not allowed to drink anything with fizz, and she respects it._

"_Thank you Mrs. Campbell." I smile gratefully and take a sip, letting my taste bus slowly explode with the delicious taste. "You wanted me to meet someone? I've already met your room-mate who thinks he's Jesus Ma'am, I've tried explaining why it couldn't be the truth, but I don't think that he's believed me." A cheery laugh escapes her lips and she shakes her head at me, with the same look she's always watching me with, it resembles the way my dad looks at sinners, with pity. _

"_It's not about him love, although you might be delighted to hear that he's left. He's gone off to bigger, better things." She winks at me, but I don't really understand the meaning of it. "Anyway, that's not the reason I've invited you over. You know that I have a daughter, don't you, love?" She does. I think we had play dates when we were younger, kindergarten time, but then Mrs. Campbell got a divorce and her ex husband took her daughter with him. I never saw her around after that any more. _

"_Naomi." I nod, remembering the wild, always out for trouble, tomboy like hurricane of a child. My father says she was bound to lose her way, from one look alone he could tell, that's how wise he is. We've always had lots of fun on our weekly play dates, dad said once a week was plenty, the other days I had to learn new things like cleaning, cooking, reading, writing, playing the cello and mesmerising prayers. _

"_Exactly. Her father is very sick and there is absolutely no way she could've stayed with him, now that he's hospitalised. Thankfully it's summer break and she can transfer at the start of a completely new year when school starts. Mid term is always more difficult I believe." "I'm sorry to hear about her father. It sounds serious." _

_She's nodding with a far away look. "It is love, he's had four strokes in the last two years, I had no idea that Naomi was taking care of him on her own. I would have helped, if only I knew. He was immobile, couldn't talk or walk any more and then he had a heart attack, poor Mike. Sadly he's not a candidate for a transplantation. Even if he was, he wouldn't...well he..." She takes a deep breath and discreetly wipes her teary eyes. "He wouldn't live to that day." _

_I lay my hand on top of hers in an comforting manner, hoping it might do good, I've seen daddy do it to upset people. "I'm really, terribly sorry to hear that. If there is anything I, we can help with" "There is actually." A small smile forms on her lips and she nods her head to the back-door where her garden is. "Naomi arrived yesterday night, she doesn't know anyone here any more and I would hate it if she got caught up with the wrong people. Being alone isn't good for her right now either. I've hoped maybe, if it's not too much to ask, you could show her around and spend some time with her so she's not that lost in her own thoughts." _

"_Of course." I don't need to think about that, knowing my father will be fine with me helping Mrs. Campbell in such a hard time. _

"_Lovely dear, she's outside in the garden. Here, why don't you bring her a coke, it wont look like a set up then." I nod and then I'm standing in the hot sun again, feeling the sweat form on my skin as my eyes roam across the messy garden until they widen. _

_There is Naomi. _

_Or rather a very naked fifteen year old Naomi, sunbathing in her bra and knickers only on the slide we have played on as children. She's laying flat on her back, huge sunglasses are covering her eyes and the bigger part of her face and I can hear the loud music, she's listening to, from where I'm standing. I could be wrong, but I think that something on her hip bone is a tattoo, or a really big mole. _

"_Can I help you with something after you're done checking me out?" _

_I blink a couple times, wondering when she's moved without me noticing since my eyes are still glued to her hip bone which is now on my eye level as she is sitting on the ladder edge of the slide, dangling her feet. "Uh" I try to respond and stop this rude staring but I cant, my eyes wont move and my vocal chords seem not to work any more. I have lost control over my feet too, knowing it because I really want to walk towards her but I cant. What is happening?_

"_Your drooling there a bit honey, never seen a girl sunbath before?" Her words are, thankfully, not hatred filled, they sound different, but I cant quite understand the meaning yet. There is something in them like when dad reads the church newspaper, the funny section, but she isn't laughing. This is confusing me. _

_Finally, when she waved her hand in front of my very rude eyes they rise and I'm met with another wave of confusion, a hot one, which started at my face and ran down my whole body, making my tippy toes tingle. Her eyes. They are grey blue, very intense, capturing, I've never seen such eyes before. And they are smiling. "Uh here." I push the can into her chest and she chuckles when I turn around, red faced and make a beeline for the little wooden door, exiting the garden. I almost trip when I reach our door and burst inside, catching my breath. _

"_Where have you been Emily?" My father asks from the kitchen where he is preparing our dinner. "Uh, Naomi is back, her father is deadly sick and Mrs. Campbell asked me to show her around and spend time with her, so she wont lose her way." I rush out, desperate for a shower after all the sweating. I fight with the laces of my boots and almost shriek when they wont open fast enough, but then they do and after getting out of my coat I go to the kitchen to see my father. _

_He expects me with a frown and worried eyes, towelling a pot dry. Always clean up after you cooked, he says all the time, because afterwards you'll be too lazy and you'll die in a mess. "You do know that you don't have to do that, Emily. If you're not comfortable with Naomi, you don't need to do that. She's got her mother and she will meet people eventually." _

"_Daddy, her father is dying. The man she's spend most of her life with. I think if she needs help, I shouldn't be selfish, I should do what I can to help her through that hard time. Wouldn't you want someone being there for me if something ever happened to you?" _

_He furrows his brows and places the pot into the wooden cabin it belongs in. "I wouldn't want anyone like Naomi to be that person." _

"_But I am not Naomi, I could be a help." Looking into my honest eyes, those eyes that have glanced so happily and long at Naomi private parts, at her bra covered breasts and hips, at her knickers, he sighs before nodding softly. "You're right, of course you are Emily. You need to show her the right way without forcing her into something she doesn't want. I know you'll do great child." He gently, and awkwardly rests his hand on my shoulder, his way of showing me affection, before he turns around to set the table. "Go and take a shower, Emily. Dinner will be ready in ten minutes." _

_Slowly walking towards the stairs, I wait until I hear plates moving before I take two at a time. Finally in my room, I rip my clothes from my body and reach for my knickers to look at them. I'm in shock, not believing what could have caused this. Maybe I am ill? They are very wet, sadly I cant explain it with the weather because they are slick and covered in white something. _

_I decided to ignore it for now and see if it will occur again before I talk to my father about it, perhaps I'll need to see a doctor. _

_The shower is very refreshing, the cool water doing wonders to my overheated body. _

I remember that like it was yesterday, me getting wet over Naomi's almost naked body. I had no idea what it was, what had happened to me that day, or why this mental image of her sun kissed body wouldn't leave my mind. Thankfully I never talked to my dad about the, uh, weird things happening in my knickers, he'd had me shipped off to some deserted island with missioners.

I hear a key rattle in the front door before it's pushed against two times, opening. There's groaning, cursing, throwing things before a blonde head appears through the balcony door. I'm sunbathing on the balcony, wearing only a bikini and when our eyes meet she's looking angry, tense, and like she wants to set the world on fire because it was mean to her. I raise my brow in question and she just like that she's grinning. Hopping outside, straddling my very naked thighs she leans down press her lips softly against mine. "Fucking wanker, wouldn't let me finish my fucking exam, said time was up, useless prick." She mumbles into my lips, while her breath hitches occasionally when my hands find a spot she likes me touching on her back, lower back and beautiful arse.

The way her lips attack my lips, my jaw and every part of my face and neck shows me that she is in no mood to talk about her horrible day. No. She needed something else completely to help her , later we'll talk, I'll let her rant, perhaps cry, then I'll comfort her, give her options how to go on, and tomorrow will be a new day but now the only thing she needed was a fucking beautiful orgasm. "God, Ems that Bikini is fucking hot." She growls right before she pounces on me, her hands and lips everywhere at once. In the middle of her mission, to devour me, she freezes and looks at me through wild, hooded eyes whispering; "I fucking love you, you know." And panting, I smile, almost blinding her when I nod, softly dragging my fingers through her soft, shoulder length hair. "I should fucking hope so."

Grinning so that her nose crinkles she takes my bottom lip between her teeth, tugging, not very gently. It makes me yelp. "Bitch. You're supposed to say; Gosh Naomi, I thank my beloved god every day for your presence in my life, for your undying locality and love, for your hot body, talented fingers, beautiful face and outstanding perso" I cut her off with a giggling kiss, pinching her sides. "I love you too." Sighing, Naomi hugs me closer, contently breathing in the smell of my berry shampoo before I feel her, always horny, fingers sneak into my bikini bottoms.


	2. confused

_Wow, that's quite a start I'd say. Thank you for all your comments, they made me smile. Even the hater, who's post was so brave without an account, made me laugh when all your lovely reviews hit me. Thank you guys. I hope I wont disappoint. Here's the next chapter, welcome Katie Fitch and Effy! _

_I don't know if I'll finish another chapter before Christmas (hate it), but I'll do my best. _

_Have fun and tell me what you think._

* * *

_Confuse me, use me, open my eyes_

_push me, catch me, I need you to show me_

_Cover my ears, whisper your lies, _

_but never turn off your blinding light before the sin consumes who I was _

* * *

"So, you think that's okay? Should I wear that? I need to change. Fuck, say something yeah? God, I have no idea what I'm doing here, need to text her and cancel. I mean have you seen her lately? Shit your girlfriend's picked her up by now, hasn't she? Useless twat. Emily fucking _focus_!" That's Katie, my lovely stepsister, yapping her never shut mouth at me.

She's nervous about a date with her ex from college. They were together since the first and until the very last day, isn't that classy? Okay, I have to admit that they have really loved each other, I'd go as far as to say that they were breathing and living for each other. And exactly that broke them in the end. Just my opinion, real life came knocking and it wouldn't work with the other being jealous over the others day at work without her.

Katie's wearing a long, tight black Rolling Stones' shirt with the red tongue on her chest, dark boyfriend jeans and her favourite biker boots she wont stop wearing since her teens. They are really vintage, from the 70's and she hates not being allowed to them to work. Her hair is dark, almost blackish, falling off her shoulders in big waves. She didn't use much make up, just a bit light make up, a lot of mascara and brown lipstick, the new kind that is like liquid until it dries and doesn't vanish for 24 hours. All in all, she looks amazing, amazingly _nervous_ like she's a second away from hyperventilating. "Relax, you look great."

"Great?" She glares at me as if I called her ugly. "We're talking about Effy fucking Stonem, Emily. Effy fucking Stonem who's screwed more girls in the last three years than Hugh Heffner, seen her Facebook updates? God, some of them were fucking models, seriously fit, yeah? How can I go looking like a fucking nun and blow her mind away that way?"

A filthy grin appears on my face and she rolls her eyes already knowing what's going through my mind. "Certainly worked for me."

* * *

**_7 years earlier_**

* * *

"_Good morning Mrs. Campbell, my father told me to come by this morning?" I say shyly, looking everywhere but at the woman in front of me. I have been drooling over daughter the other day (googled in school what the phrase meant after Naomi accused me of doing it), if that's not embarrassing, I don't know what is. _

"_Lovely, come in love, come in. Naomi just woke up, she's still in the shower but you can go upstairs and wait in her room. It's the second one on the left." She's pulling me into the house and pushing upstairs, I didn't have time to get out of my boots yet, it makes me feel uneasy but she doesn't seem to mind. Cautiously walking to the door, I knock, loudly, three times until a very annoyed voice yells me in. Slowly I open the door, holding my breath as I fear seeing her almost naked again after her shower, but to my big relief she's already dressed and blow drying her hair. Her beautiful, peroxide blonde hair I'd like to run my fingers through. Oh god, I did not just think that, did I? _

_Her eyes, her wild eyes lock on mine and they narrow but a smirk forms on her lips so I know that she's not freaked out by my, well, freak out the other day. "Off-rushing-girl, wow, so we meet again. Or are you gonna turn around and flee again?" Her head tilts a bit as she turns off the hair-dryer, mustering me in a way I cant quite place. Her hair isn't dry yet, I would like it more if she continued doing that, keeping the noise as loud as possible so I wont have to open my mouth. _

_I don't know why I'm that rude, she didn't do anything to me. Well, aside setting something in the pit of my stomach on fire, turning me on, google said so. I'm still unsure what to think of it, really. _

"_You gonna tell me who you are? You're not an alien, or a ghost only I can see, are you? That'd be awesome!" She grins, reaching for her pack of cigarettes, lighting one like it's the most normal thing to do for a fifteen year old girl. _

_I'm not against smoking, I don't think I have an opinion on that matter, who wants to do it, certainly can, who am I to forbid it? But I strongly believe this someone should be an adult and responsible enough to decide such a thing. She's wearing more than the other time I've seen her but that doesn't mean she's really dressed. You see, I don't think shorts and a vest which is practically her second skin, is considered dressed. I still can see her tattoo, it's a phoenix and I'm glad it's not a playboy bunny. She has another tattoo, on her neck directly under her ear, it's a Latin prashe. From here I see she's unique, free and wild? I could be wrong. "I assume you don't have any tattoos?" _

_Great she's talking again, this time with a look of caution, like I am a crazy person. "Uh..no. I'm thirteen." _

_She raises her brow and smirks, pointing to her ear. "Twelve." Then she's off painting her eyelashes with dark stuff. "You're father allowed it?" I see her freeze for a moment before she turns around with the same smirk, nodding. "Sure, he's awesome. As long as I've got good grades he stays off my back." _

_My father isn't like that. Sure, he trust me, I hope so because I've never given him any reason not to, but he is constantly on my back. I wonder what kind of relationship Naomi and her father had? Have. Have. He's still alive. I bet they are like friends, as long as she doesn't overdo it, maybe he is funny and brought her up to be this confident, funny person? "That's great." _

"_You're father not cool?" She isn't looking at me, watches herself as she applies make up on her face. _

"_Uh...no..not in the common way I guess...but I think he is great, a really good man." Slowly she turned around to look at me like I'm really an alien. Great, she thinks I'm a freak now. _

"_Oookay." Drawling she shrugs. "Soo, since you're my keeper now I thought we'd go to town? Enjoy the weather and shit, I need some new trainers anyway." _

"_Yes, of course." She claps her hands and puts a huge beanie hat over her hair, making her look like a dwarf. Throwing her huge phone, keys, cigarettes into her bag and headphones hanging over her neck she takes my hand and drags me out of the house after taking four cans of coke with her. _

_My eyes cant believe what they see, we are standing in front of a moped, a real moped, dark purple with scratches everywhere. "Uh Naomi? You're fifteen and I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to drive this, let alone have a passenger." _

_A laugh is all I get as she climbs it with ease, moving it forward with a big push then she holds it upright with her tiny feet only. "Hop on." Seeing my uncertainty she sighs and places her elbows on the handles, resting her head on her hands. "Look, it's fine. I'm driving it since I'm ten, okay? Never was stopped by any coppers because I look like sixteen and never had an accident or ran over a bloody red light. My mum knows and says it's my own damn fault if I get caught and banned from getting my license, but I got it covered, yeah? Now get your arse up here or I'll leave without you." _

_Flickering my eyes to my house I bite my lip, should I stay and think about this arrangement again or should I get on that death-trap and hold on to Naomi's gorgeous body so I wont fall? Again. Get a grip Emily, get a grip. _

"_All right, hold on tight." She grins and wraps arms around her hips, naked hips, after I sat down behind her with the ugly helmet she made me put on. Her skin is soft, really soft, and I cant help but wonder if every girl's skin is like that or just hers. _

_I probably shouldn't be thinking this at all._

_We speed off with me almost falling off when we take the first curve. She's laughing like an maniac, I think she's a daredevil, making me hold on tighter. "Move with the moped when we take a turn!" _

_I can do that. _

_I couldn't do that and now I'm sitting on the pavement with a hole in my tights and blood all over my dress and hands. Naomi is worse, she wasn't wearing much to begin with but she hadn't had a helmet on because I've had it, now her right cheek and jaw are bruised and sore. Currently she's cursing and kicking the moped like it was its fault we've had the accident, when it was obviously me. Just when the thought crosses my mind her angry, dagger throwing eyes meet mine and she marches up to me, limping. "Are you fucking daft? Told you to move with the fucking moped, not against it! No fucking wonder we fell when you cant even think like a normal person for once!" Seeing people looking at us, Naomi runs a hand through her hair and gets back on the moped, starting it. "Get the fuck on, we need to leave before someone calls the coppers." _

"_No." Mumbling I wipe the blood and tiny pebbles of my batted knee. "WHAT? Emily, I'm not fucking laughing, yeah? I'm serious so get here, right now, we need to move." She's shrieking, glaring at the by passers. "I don't want to." _

"_Fine!" Snapping she drives off without as much as a glance back at me. Thank god, because the wetness on my cheeks is no blood, I'm crying. Great. _

_I'm left thinking about what had happened and if maybe god was giving me signs to stop hanging out with her, maybe she is trouble as my father said. She's just left me after almost killing me with her stupid moped she's not allowed to drive in the first place! No good person would do such a thing, only selfish people would, people more worried about their moped than another human beings life._

_My head snaps the the left when I hear the moped come up the street from the other side. Naomi parks right in front of me and demounts it with a sheepish smile. She blows some hair out of her face, her blushing face, and shrugs. "Sorry. Not your fault, probably first time you've been on a moped and here I'm a bitch leaving you alone when you're hurt." Taking my hand without any hesitation she pulls me to my feet and starts rubbing away the dirt from my clothes. _

_I don't know why I'm holding my breath, or why my eyes look everywhere but at her, google will give me an answer I wont like on Monday. "All better." Ducking her head she looks at me through her lashes, making me almost melt, god she's adorable. "We could walk, I'll push it, s' no problem." _

_I shake my head with a small smile, stroking her shoulder in reassurance. "It's fine, just don't go that fast again, okay?" _

_Her eyes narrow for a moment before she remembers that we just fell, mumbling something about walking being faster as she nods anyway. Adorable. "Naomi? Show me your face." _

_She makes a show of raising her brows and pointing at it, like it weren't there a second ago but my fingers wander on their own to the still sand and pebble covered cheek. I softly wipe it all away, maybe lingering a bit too long, but I'm just helping, am I not? Getting a tissue out of my dress, I rub away the bit blood and have to proudly say, she doesn't look that bad any more. Wild hair, wild eyes, fitting for a wild girl._

_She's eyeing me differently, and I can see that she's not breathing either, what is happening here? _

"_Right." She puffs out, averting her beautiful eyes. "Lets go then, home yes? Or do you still wanna go to town?" _

"_Could we stay here for a bit?" Crinkling her nose she nods and we walk over to the bench of the bus stop a couple meters away. She pulls out two cans of coke and hands me one before lighting a cigarette. She offers me one, but looking at the can, I decide that one more sin is enough for today and decline the offer, I open the can instead. _

"_I thought you weren't allowed to drink fizzy stuff?" I shrug, what can I say? I'm not, and I still do, just like I still allow my eyes to look at her tattoo without feeling very bad. "It's a minor sin, I'll make it up with a couple prayers tonight." _

"_Is that how it works?" She laughs. "Cant be, then you'd be allowed to do everything as long as you pray afterwards. Our Father who art in heaven, I just robbed a bank, Hallowed be Thy name, I lied and didn't respect my parents, Thy kingdom come, __I__ did cum when I touched myself the right way, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven, I've had sinful thoughts" I interrupt her with a horrified shriek, making her almost fall off the bench laughing. _

_That were too many informations for my poor mind. And these images running through it now are not helping. She nudges me with her shoulder, winking. "Awe come on, you cant tell me you've never done it." _

"_I haven't!" Protesting I cant believe she would think such a thing. "I promise, never. It's dirty." All my life I've lived like a saint for what? People thinking I, uh, touch myself? Her eyes widen and the chuckling stops, she's watching me with concern. Probably worried by my panicked state. No wonder, I act like a freak. "Okay, sure. Whatever, it's fine Emily, relax." _

"_Naomi I really haven't, I, I..the only things I did were a couple kisses but I always pushed them away, I swear. I'd never...do that." Her hands go to hold my shoulders and she shakes me a bit, making me look at her as she leaned down so our eyes could lock. "I couldn't care less, Emily. You seriously need to chill, yeah? Take a deep breath and stop freaking out, it's fine. You don't do it, okay. My god, it was just a joke. I get it, you're a saint, that's fine." _

"_You cant tell me you admire it." I snap out of nowhere and clamp my eyes shut in embarrassment, only opening them when I hear and feel her softly chuckle. She's watching me with a raised brow now, shaking her head. "I cant say I do, no, but that's just me. I live differently and if you are fine with god controlling your life, it's okay Emily. Who am I to tell you it's wrong? People believe in all kinds of shit, some in Allah, some in God, which is all the same, others in Aliens and then there's those who believe in this thing called science. See, everyone's got their own way to get through this shithole of life. If thinking you're meeting a long bearded bloke on the other side after you've died helps you cope, I'm the last person to say it's wrong. But that doesn't mean I share your opinion." _

_It should be insulting, her comparing god to aliens or even shit, but strangely it's not. She's said it with such childish innocence, the goodness radiating from her in waves, how could I be mad? When she's having such an open mind, I couldn't. "All right?" She asks, quirks her brow and moving her head to the side she looks at me with one eye. _

_I grin, nodding my head in agreement. _

"_Good. Now that that's out of the way, tell me about yourself Emily. Who'd you fight off kissing you?" She's wriggling her brows and this makes me blush more than the thought of the kisses if I'm being honest. _

"_Uh...in second grade there was a boy who kissed me because his mates made him. Then in fourth grade this boy from across the street cornered me and kissed me in the alley, I think his name is James. And then there is Ashley, it was last summer after swimming class when she kissed me in the locker rooms." A small smile forms on my lips when I see Naomi sputter, caught by surprise. "What Naomi? Never knew girls could kiss too?" "What? No, yes of course I knew. I kiss them all the time, me. Yeah. But you? I mean, burn in hell Emily, burn in hell." Now she's full on grinning, her twinkling eyes shining and I turn away from her adorable, cheeky face. _

"_I hope not." Taking a deep breath I fidget with my sleeve. "Uh, being gay isn't a sin Naomi. You are born that way, so I wont burn in hell for it." _

_Her amusement left and she's staring at me like I have lost my mind. "But, god...and..the bible...people say you burn in hell for it." She's a confused mess, huffing a little when I laugh at her. "That's old news. No, now it's different. The church finally realised that you cant chose to be gay so you cant be punished for it. You can __chose__ to __act__ on it though, and if you do, then you burn in hell." _

_Deeply in thought there is a wrinkle between her eyebrows, she's chewing on her bottom lip and stares at me as if I just told her a impossible maths problem. "But..but then you have _to liveasacelibate_." _

_Nodding I agree.__ "But, how? I mean, your whole life without sex? Without thinking about shagging girls? That's impossible isnt it?" _

_"I'm not gay Naomi. I don't think I am anything, but I'm not going to take any chances. Perhaps I'll fall in love with a handsome Christian man, perhaps I wont. Who knows what god has in store for me." Looking into her wide eyes I ask the question burning my tongue since she mentioned kissing girls. "Do you think you are a lesbian Naomi?" _

_There's the twinkling again, telling me her answer will bring me passively to hell. "Oh, no, I don't think so. No. I'm a practising lesbian, love, and I'm gonna burn in hell smiling." When I roll my eyes melodic laughter booms out of her throat, loud and raw, so not fitting for that petite body, and then she snorts making me smile all the more. She seems to love thinking she's witty, and I certainly enjoy watching her do so. "Come on you hidden lezza, lets go to town." She's pulling on my arm until I'm back sitting behind her on the moped which tried to kill me earlier. "Go with the fucking moped this time." She snaps, but her eyes are smiling, so I just glare at her when she speeds off. My hands encircle her waist with confidence this time, comfortably resting on her stomach and I hope my thumb is tracing the phoenix on her hip and not just a random part of her tummy. Wouldn't want to go to hell for something random now, would I?_

* * *

**_Present time _**

* * *

"Yeah, yeah I know, okay? I fucking know she took you when you were a fucking nun, but this is Effy Stonem we're talking about, yeah? The way Naomi had corrupted you, Effy corrupted me and I was no fucking saint." Katie rants, rubbing her face nervously.

I want to respond but then I hear the key turning and voices fill the empty hallway. Throwing her a look of sympathy, I squeeze Katie's shoulder and open the bedroom door to welcome Naomi and Effy. A timid smile appears on my face when I see the beautiful brunette, god she's a freaking rock star. She hasn't been very kind to me when we were younger, but now we're adults and I hope she's going to play nice. "Holy fuck, almost haven't recognised you without all the layers of wool, saint Fitch." Or not.

"Come on Eff, be fucking nice, yeah? She didn't wear any fucking wool in college anyway." My always protective girlfriend says with a warning...uh... shrug. Okay, she doesn't look protective at all, more obliged to take my side. Great, these two back together means we're in for an interesting evening.

"Hi Effy." I go to shake her hand, with my trembling one, but Naomi sees it and wraps her arm around waist, pulling me fast to her. Saving me from embarrassing myself more than I already have. I like to think I've grown lots since my childhood, but having your old terrorist in front of you, makes you nervous and turn back into this unsure, stupid rubbish talking, nervous thing. I wave at Effy then, narrowing my eyes at the grinning blonde holding me. "How's being home feel?"

"Oh you know, same streets, parents, neighbours and mates." It's obvious that she doesn't want to talk to me and I try not to be offended by her prominent disinterest in me. Her eyes flicker through the room nervously though, so maybe she's just excited or scared to see Katie. "She's almost ready, you know her, always changing ten times before she's finished." I laugh, trying to ease the tension but all I get are two incredulous looks in return, making me shut up with an eye roll.

If you're wondering, Effy has been my neighbour ever since I can remember. She was the kid always sitting on her front door stairs, smoking a cigarette with some other kids, ditching school and teasing me whenever I walked past. She was unmistakable the coolest thing around, and I, well I was non existent until Naomi came around.

We were mates from that day when she took me on that death trap, almost killing me in the process. I think I always knew that I've had it bad for her, my eyes wouldn't leave her body or face for a second when we were together. The problem was that she was two years older and almost in college, beautiful, funny, adventures and simply gorgeous while I was stuck at home praying. Enough said.

But step by step she helped me drop layer for layer and at the end we were excited to meet the girl Emily Fitch really was. Of course Jenna's had a lot to do with this transition, my stepmother. Had my dad not met her, I'd be in some African town teaching kids to read as a punishment for my behaviour. She made him see the world differently, not everything, but some of it. Enough to let me become the person I needed to. Or, half of it. Katie was a pretty big bonus too, even at my worst, I still looked like a saint beside her. "She's Katie." Effy's _unfair_ stormy eyes ( she has the most magnetising eyes ever) glare at me, making me gulp. "Still a bit protective over my sister then, I see."

Before she can lash out and strangle me Katie decides that it's time for her to enter the freaking party.

Maybe me and Effy are not the best of mates, but seeing her tensed body practically shake off the anger and everything that was bothering her, looking content for the first time in years when she sees Katie smirk at her, _is_ touching. Even Naomi, always making fun of everything that's not funny, sighs and kisses my temple when she watches them.

Effy lets out a huge sigh of relief, with glowing eyes and a shy smile. The smirk on my sister's face disappears and is replaced by sheer adoration. She takes a couple steps towards the immobile girl and wraps one arm, instinctively, around her waist and the other goes to stroke her cheek. Never taking her eyes off of Effy's peaceful face. Snapping out of it, the brunette, sneaked one hand to Katie's back and pulled her in until their lips met.

Awe. They haven't seen each other in two years and still, there is nothing but pure love. "Fucking engaged Kay? It's off." Or not.

Suddenly the atmosphere has changed completely and Effy is holding my sister's right hand like it's something she wanted to kill. Her eyes speak volumes, the anger erupts out of them. I swear I heard her growl and the fucking earth's shaking while she tries not to kill Katie. "Off?" My wonderfully dense idiot of a sister snaps, trying to snatch her hand away. "Not your decision honey, and not your business either!" Blue eyes darkened and I think Effy's holding her breath, maybe she doesn't want to kill her after all, at least she's fighting it.

"It certainly is." A hideous laugh pitches from Katie's throat, hitting the brunette like punches to the gut. Instead of skinning my sister alive, Effy does the next best thing. Throwing her against the open door (she didn't think that through), holding her before she could fall into my bedroom, Effy pushed her to the wall, glaring.

I think it's time for us to go into the kitchen, or somewhere which is _not_ near them. Naomi wont move though, she's standing like a fucking statue, watching them as if they were her favourite TV series. "Babe, come lets get drinks." She shakes her head and pushes me into the direction of the kitchen, not hard but still! She thinks she's so funny. "A beer please." "Naomi!" Blue eyes met mine and she grins sheepishly, shrugging like she couldn't help herself. I roll my eyes and kiss her jaw before going to get drinks.

When I come back, I don't know if the fact that Katie has Effy pinned to the wall and is snogging her face off, or that my lovely girlfriend is still a creep sitting on the sofa staring at them bluntly, surprises me more. I think that Katie is about to undress Eff here, in front of us, surprises me more. Naomi has always been a huge fan of Katie and Effy, since the day she saw them claw each others eyes out for the first time. She wouldn't stop laughing, and laughed even harder when we walked to the restrooms at the end of lunch and heard them, doing _things_. She was excited like a little kid on Christmas, always playing cupid when they had a fight, not that she didn't enjoy those too, she did.

I know Katie wont listen to me, or _hear_ me now that she's got her hands all over Effy's body, so I walk towards them and push them into my bedroom. Yes, I know having my sister shag her ex on my bed isn't the prettiest image, but man, rather that then seeing it live.

When I turn back around after closing the door my girlfriend is watching me with accusative eyes, proper pouting. Sighing my smile wins the fight and I beam at her cuteness "You weren't going to watch them do it, were you babe?" She darts an angry glance at me, almost invisibly shaking her head. "Awe." I coo and take a seat beside her on the sofa, wrapping my arms around her. She's cuddling into me right away, mumbling something about love and first sign. "Loved you from the start too."

"Didn't mean you, obviously I was talking about Katie and Eff." Restraining my laughter I nod, as serious as I can and kiss the top of her head. "Obviously." When her right hand starts to wander I know that she's forgotten about them.

I certainly wont be letting my sister cross Naomi's mind for the next hour or so, I decide while gently pushing her into the cushions, my teeth already busy scarping along her collarbone the way she likes. A proud grin forms on my mouth when I hear her moan softly, bucking her hips upwards already. Yes, saint Emily loves burning in hell, as long as I can make girls scream and writhe beneath me, there are no regrets any more. Wasn't always that way though. It took me quite a while to let myself enjoy life and girls to its fullest. But that's a story for another time, right now I've got my hands full with a horny Naomi, all hooded eyes and short breath, so I got to take care of that first.


	3. touched

_**Hola ladies, possibly gents, how are we doing this fine new year? I hope everyone had a good new year's eve?**_

_**Any new year's resoultions you'd like to share?**_

_**I seriously need to start work out more, but those resolutions never work, so I'll just wait for a push into the right direction by some mean stairs.**_

_**Here's the next chapter**_

_**hope you like it**_

_**Thank you to everyone who's taken the time to review, it means a lot and seriously makes me want to continue and write faster.**_

_**Here it goes**_

* * *

_**Show me love**_

_**Show me love**_

_**Show me love**_

_**Show me everything you've got**_

_**Show me hell**_

_**shining through your every cell**_

* * *

"Naomi please, please, please, please! I promise I'll do anything you want for a whole week." Blue eyes lock on mine and I just know that I've said the wrong thing when a filthy smirk appears on her angelic face. My favourite kind of smirks she's got, it means I'm in for loads of fun. She's naturally beautiful, her eyes take my and _everyone's_ breath away. She could really be something I'd consider a nice, well build, gift from god for my loyalty towards him until that one fatal day where I had opened my eyes. But there is nothing but pure sin running through her mind and body, all day long. She is the devil and I love her even more for it. "Anything?" She whispers hotly, bringing me so close I'm practically back on top of her on the sofa. I smell cheap Vodka and cold smoke on her breath, combined with her cherry lip balm it's making my head spin and my knickers wet all over again.

I've just changed them!

I slowly nod, licking my lips in anticipation as her eyes roam bluntly over my body, stopping to look down my cleavage. "Fine. You've got a deal Fitch." Pressing an absent kiss to my forehead she pushed me off, all the way to the other side of the sofa, before making her way to our bedroom.

She bangs her fists on the wooden door about five times, making the door shake. "You've got five minutes to get off, get dressed, get here and get wasted! Make the best of it."

Moans, grunts and groans along with some slamming into the joined wall followed her instructions and my jaw almost hits the ground when she turns back to me, a proud grin on her face. She really thinks she's done a good job. I am practically witnessing their orgasm for fuck's sake! Not to mention the vilely swearing, sounds like they've turned into freaking sailors in cursing competition mood. "What the fucking _fuck_ Naomi?"

She's shrugging like it's no big deal and gets to her knees to set up a couple lines of powder on our small glass couch table. That perv is grinning when screams fill our flat and I groan, slamming my face into the cushions. "You're unbelievable." "You love me." She states dryly, rolling her eyes without ever looking into my direction, as if we've had this conversation a hundredth times already, perhaps we have. "Yes, and I really should reconsider that!" Okay, I guess I'm overreacting but, uh, this is disgusting.

Sharp blue eyes flash to mine and I feel all my blood travel from my head south when I see her expression, god she is fucking sexy.

Never looking away, she rolls a note and leans down, slowly, deliberately, finishing off two lines in one go. She sniffs a couple times before bringing her hands to the floor and slowly crawling towards me with a predator's look.

When she reached the sofa, she still has yet to lose eye contact with me. One of her arms gets to the back of the batted, old leather sofa and the other to the armrest before she pulls herself up so she kneels with one knee on the floor and hovers above me. Her lips are an inch away, if even that much, and I have no idea when I've stopped breathing, but there's a pounding and whistling in my ears. I just need to kiss her. "Naomi" I moan, but there is no time to be embarrassed, she is beyond sexy right now and I'd do anything for her to finally lean down and kiss me. "If you say that again, or anything similar I'll walk out of this door and never come back, Emily."

Good god, I've misread her warning, thought it were sexual advances! But..in my defence...I _am_ a bit drunk and had a line after she screwed my brains out a couple minutes ago. I'm allowed to not think straight.

She cant be serious though, we never say stuff like that, we've got a really serious, grown up relationship with loads of drugs, brew and sex. She cant _threaten_ me this way. "I didn't mean it" "I don't care." She interrupts me with fire in her eyes and a hiss in her voice. "I don't care because Emily," pausing for dramatic effect she narrows her eyes, "I fucking love you but I wont play those stupid games. Look where it got your sister."

I try to turn my head away in shame, because she's right, of course she wont let me. Her gentle fingers grasp my chin and bring me back to meet her eyes, her deadly serious eyes. "Love me?" I nod and want to move up to finally feel her lips on mine but her torso is pushing me down into the cool fabric of the sofa. I hate leather, I really do, but only as furniture. Summer- Sticky with sweat. Winter-cold and not comfortable at all. Just like Naomi's favourite satin bed sheets, hate those too. Same problem, in the summer when you sweat at night, you wake up because of the cold sweat if you've moved so that air got in. It's cold against the skin in the summer and I don't want to start with winter.

Naomi watches me with pure fire and her next words are not asked, they demand. "Say it. Love me? So fucking say it." I try to, but then her hips push directly into my cunt, her jeans rubbing against my still sensitive clit, and all I manage to get out is;"Uhhhh." "Say it Emily." Her voice is still warning me, or daring me, I cant say, but I know I'm out of trouble, this is for pure enjoyment. "Uhhhh god." And I just know it will set her off.

I cant tell why, but she is somehow very competitive about Jesus and God. Whenever I do something like this, wind her up, she acts like I've moaned another woman's or man's name. It is kinda funny, knowing which buttons to push to make her go wild. And wild she goes as I clench my eyes shut and bite the cushions to stop from screaming out.

Her right hand has slipped into my jeans, the other opening and pulling them down a bit so she has room to work her magic. Right away she's thrusting three fingers hard into me, bringing loud groans vibrate up my throat she's currently kissing and dragging her teeth across. It's fast, and violent, and dirty, and everything I should consider disrespectful but this is us, we make love, we fuck each other's brains out, we do it slowly, we do it fast, we do it lovingly or hard and however we do it, it always makes me love her all the more.

She's letting me see so much of her, of what's going on in her mind, in the way she fucks me, loves me, humps me, or, or, or.

It should make me gag, hearing my sister climax almost at the same time as I do, but Naomi's lovely enough to talk me through it so I cant focus on that. She's whispering dirty things in my ear, she's whispering lovely things, she's breathing and panting and telling me how much she loves me, that I am hers, and that's enough to forget all about my sister, would be bad if it weren't.

* * *

_7 Years before/Bristol_

* * *

_The summer is almost over and I am taking a walk with Naomi, lovely Naomi who decided it's the perfect weather to walk around Bristol in only boxer shorts and a bikini bra. I could never complain, or forbid my eyes to roam her body, they'd never listen any way, who would? _

_I'm wearing my usual attire, wool dress, long undergarments, and loads of layers making me scratch my hot skin every other second. _

"_Stop scratching Fitch, people'll think you've got lops all over you." She scrunched up her face and looks at me with a mocking grossed out expression, making me roll my eyes. Soooo funny. "You mean lice," I correct with a grin. "No, I mean lops." _

"_People don't have fleas Naomi, animals do, not people." I can only roll my eyes at her again but she's stopped walking, her features smug as she has that look she gets when she thinks she can 'teach' me something about the world. "Lovely Emily, lovely naïve Emily. That's not true, I don't know what the bible tells you but science and school teach us that dog, cat, yes even rat's fleas jump at humans when their usual blood bag isn't close enough. It's not their favourite feast, but they still do it. So, I'm sorry but you looks like you've got a lops family having a party on your body." She shakes with laughter, almost falling over her own feet in the process. _

"_Whatever, gobshite." I mumble, a bit embarrassed by my obviously wrong assumption. I enjoy her shocked state after I called her pretty much an smart arse. Her big blue/grey eyes are wide open and she's sputtering. "I...me I'm no...EMILY!" She finishes with a loud chuckle, completely caught of guard. _

_When we finally manage to stop bickering like idiots I see Naomi's eyes studying a house on the left side of the pavement, the pavement we walk across from. Naomi never walks where she's supposed to. She never does anything she's supposed to, I think that's her golden rule to live by or something. I bet we're in for loads of fun when school starts. "Who lives there?" "Huh?" She nods towards the house without actually moving her head to look at it properly. _

"_Uh, right. That's this girl's house, I think she's called Elizabeth."I try to sound indiffrent, not showing her how this girl actually torments me whenever she sees me, that's a bit pathetic. Like I cant take care of myself. _

_Impatiently she stares me down and having spend almost two months 24/7 with her, I know what her problem is and keep talking. "She's your age, I think. She's at a private school, all across town and her parents are rich, as you see. I think her nanny is more her mother than her actual mother, cant remember I've ever seen her. Or her father for that matter, she's on her own with an Indian woman. Could be Spanish though, I really don't know." _

_A small smile appears on Naomi's face. "The hot brunette?" _

_With a shrug I don't comment on that, cant have any more inappropriate thoughts than I've had for the past couple months. I have no idea how to make up for it any way, Naomi's been parading around wearing close to nothing, on some occasions really nothing. How am I supposed not to notice that tattoo, or the one on the small of her back, or the one on her neck when she shakes her wet hair after swimming? _

_Her stomach is a real magnet too, I have no idea why, but when she stretches or tries to 'work out' which consists me sitting on her legs and her doing sit-ups, I cant help but notice how her whole body flexes and tenses. And my body does weird things when that happens, it tingles. It's like I've got pins and needles everywhere and my mouth goes all dry. _

_I pray every minute I can and when I sit on her legs, but I don't think god has much patience left for me, it's not like I stop doing what I know is wrong. "Come on Em, we both know you're a huge muff muncher, aren't you allowed to appreciate a woman's beauty? Just say that she's hot, I can see it all over your face, you're practically drooling." Yes Naomi I am, because I'm thinking about your work outs and how your skin glisters while my knickers get all uncomfortable. _

_Of course I cant say that, so I just opt on rolling my eyes and show her how I don't take her serious. _

"_You cant be blind, have you seen her? She's stunning. God, those legs go on forever, I bet her skin tastes like berries. You reckon she's a berries person or more a vanilla or coconut one?" _

"_Berries." It's out before I can stop to think about it and decide that it's kind of a question a straight, Christian, thirteen year old shouldn't be answering like it's something obvious. _

"_It's cherries actually." Her voice makes me stop dead in my tracks and I cant laugh, like Naomi does, no, I'm humiliated that the girl we've just been 'talking' about seems to have heard every word. Oh no, how embarrassing. And not any girl, no, Elizabeth Stonem who's made my life hell since the day she lay eyes on me for the first time. "In case you were gonna spend your whole life wondering Fitch."_

_There is nothing nice in her voice, not even friendly, she's screaming 'Go and die' and I take a shaky breath before turning around and looking at her fearfully. "Elizabeth." _

"_Now, who would've thought that saint Fitch thinks about my scent. What's god thinking of it though, hope you don't get into too much trouble on my account." Stab me Elizabeth, no problem, I'm used to it. "Dont worry though, I wont ever participate in bringing you closer to hell, but who knows what sinful things you're doing thinking about my berries smelling skin. Your mate on the other hand I could bring to hell, gladly."_

_Naomi smirks and nudges her with her shoulder, looking up from under her lashes with a look I don't like. Interest. "Yeah? Who's saying I care about your shower gel or you enough to go to hell for?" _

_Thank you Naomi, why don't you form a gang and the two of you can kick me while I'm down?_

_Blue eyes size each other up and Naomi's bottom lip is tucked between her upper incisor, making her look all the girls girl I assumed she is. "I'm Naomi."Feeling left out and like the third wheel, I look at my old watch and cough, hoping they'd let me go without any incident. _

_It seemed to have brought Naomi back from whatever trance she was stuck in, Elizabeth's eyes I'd say, and she puts on a fake thoughtful expression. "Ems, you think Elizabeth could tag along to town centre?" "She your girlfriend then or why do you ask for permission?" Comes Elizabeth's bone cutting voice, bringing a horrible blush to spread upon my face. "Oh my god, she is!" She hollowly laughs in triumph after seeing the tomato my existence turned into. _

_Furrowing her brows in disbelieving confusion Naomi finally sees the uncomfortable state I'm in and tries to read me. Tries to read my fidgeting, my nervous glances to the ground, my shuffling feet and my almost hyperventilating. "Uh she's not my girlfriend." She muttered and takes my hand, trying to make me look at her, she worries. "Emily, you okay?" She's blocked out an almost hysterical Elizabeth and focuses only on me but at this moment, it isn't something I longed for. _

_I'd like the ground to open and swallow me, even if I land in hell, every place is better than this. "She's just fucking with you. Take a breath and calm down." Her usually sharp, always laughing voice turned serious and very gentle, making me blush all the more. _

_I cant stop. _

_The girl thinking she's my enemy just dished out my deepest desires. In front of Naomi, my friend who never treated me like others did, who always respected me and has now found out that I've been using our friendship to perv on her. If that's not a cut point I don't know what could be. She's got to be angry, thinking I've played her and only stayed around to leer on her like some old, churchly, pervert. _

"_Oh I think she wants you to fuck her, not me." Turning around at backbreaking speed, Naomi watches her carefully, kinda warningly if I'm not mistaken. Her next words are whispered, but I hear them very clearly, as does a gulping Elizabeth. "You really shouldn't be talking about her that way if you want to keep your pretty face Elizabeth. One time it could end badly, yeah? Just a friendly advice." _

_When she regained her composure Elizabeth smirks and throws me an amused look. "Right. Like anybody will stop making fun of her now, they haven't stopped when she moved here, they wont when she moves away, just fucking look at her, Naomi, she's a joke. It's the 21 century for fuck's sake, running around like that makes one think she's begging to be made fun of." The next thing surprises me so much that I let out an embarrassing gasp. _

_Naomi smiled sweetly at Elizabeth as if she understands everything now, got a smile in return, but then her left fist collided with a pale jaw and she's grabbed her to keep her from falling. Pulling her up by her vest, Naomi has the girl almost above the ground, their faces inches apart. "You as much as look badly at her again and I will break your neck, sweetheart. Perhaps she's been made fun of in the past, but now I am here and you can tell everyone that if they'll continue that childish behaviour I'll show them and you too why I had to leave London, understood?" She lets go of her and Elizabeth almost lost her footing, making Naomi shake her head in amusement. "You can fuck off now." _

"_Look Naomi, I get that Fitch's off limits now, and that's fine. Wanna start over?" She appears to be sincere and I have to nudge Naomi for her to let out a sigh and shrug nonchalantly. I can see that she's lost interest in the girl now that she's witnessed her mean strike. "I don't care, cant be bothered to hang around brainless twats thinking picking on people for no reason is fun." She turns to go but my hand stops her. _

_I should be over the moon that she's lost interest, I know, but I cant let her walk away in anger, not when Elizabeth seems to be okay with the way things appear to be now. _

_And then it hits me. _

_Naomi has defended me, without any hesitation, she has attacked a girl who has always made my life hell when she saw me, a girl she wanted to make love to a minute ago. That's something no one has ever done for me. Well no one except for her mother, whenever I've walked down the street and Mrs. Campbell saw me getting yelled at, made fun of, shoved or tripped, she'd throw everyone a mean look, the one her daughter just sported, and made them hurry to get away. _

_Naomi has defended me and punched the girl she was into. I don't have to be fully socially updated to know that this is huge. She left out on a nigh of fun, or a potential relationship just because she has said mean things to me. Me. Emily. _

_She cares. _

_The beautiful blonde, who got ten times more beautiful in the past minutes, misinterprets my wet eyes for pain or embarrassment and her hands are on my cheeks in a flash, gently cradling my face. She's forgotten all about Elizabeth again. "Hey, hey look at me Emily." I try to avert my eyes but she is persistent and always turns my head back to her until I stop fighting it and meet her gentle eyes. "There's no need to weep yeah? I wont let anyone disrespect you ever again. You can trust me."_

_Instead of telling her everything that's running through my mind right now, show her how grateful I am and touched, I open my mouth and make her smirk with what I'm saying. "You cant go around punching people Naomi, that's not a good way to make new friends. And not a good way to live." _

_Her lips press to my forehead and her knowing chuckle vibrates through my body, that's how close she is. "I'll always go around punching people who do you wrong Ems. You're mine and no one's allowed to hurt something of mine." I cant even begin to describe how my body reacts to that, but for the first time I feel ashamed of it, not because of god, but her. She's such a lovely, honest girl who doesn't deserve to be thought of that way. She's so much more than a sexy image in my mind, she's obviously my angel and I cant keep betraying her in that way any longer. _

_So my eyes spill over with hot tears and she wraps her strong arms around me, gently rocking us back and forth. "Stop crying, you've really got to stop Emily or I'll cry." _

_I haven't realised, until now, that the past months have been important for her too. It weren't just the best months of my life, she was obviously enjoying them too and not only around because her mother made her. She cares, and that makes it all that much harder._

* * *

Bristol/Present time

* * *

I'm still panting when Naomi goes to clean herself up before my sister and her, well, Effy stop their shagathon and join us in the sitting room again. Seeing her beam at me, like I've never mentioned the stupid thing about reconsidering my love for her, after I've made her cum, made my heart skip a beat.

Naomi is a happy person, she's one of those rare people who wake up in a shitty mood but throw you a thousand watt smile after they drank their first coffee. I remember walking on eggshells around her when we met, always waiting for her to explode about her father's illness and death later on, but it never came. Not the way I've expected, at least. She mourned, long and cried countless tears for ages, but day by day it got better and she after some time she was back to being Naomi. A genuinely happy girl that didn't hold any grudges, had no enemies and hated fighting. She was never scared or weak, the opposite really, I think she knew what powers she had inside of her and knew not to let them out. Because as happy and loving as she is, there are those occasional big bangs where all is wrong and she hates absolutely everything, like an alternative reality. And then, when she gets into one of these moods, it's better not to cross her or you'll end up stoned. Medusa's eyes have nothing on Naomi's, she not only turns you to stone, motionless and speechless, she also burns you with every advantage she has. Little things she picks up during the time spend together, little things one wouldn't think matter, but when she's been hurt by someone there are no limits for the backfire and she uses all she got. I think that's why she and Katie got along from the very first moment like a house on fire. Just like it was with Effy. But whereas Effy is the meanest thing on this planet, Naomi is the most loving one, only stabbing in self defence.

God I love her.

She makes me smile, she makes me cry, she makes me scream in anger and arousal, she makes me see the world in a different way and she never ceases to make me stand and watch her in awe.

I know that I sound like a lovesick knob, but believe me, I rather am that than have to deal with all those other girls I've had the pleasure to get to know before we got together. Yes I knew I've loved her, of course I did, but it wasn't that simple, nothing ever is and we both had our fair share of refusal, arousal, crushing, declining, anger, dates, and heartbreak before we were at the same point at the same time in life to see what we need. Each other.

"Could you at least try not to look that pathetic Ems? Bet she's only went to the loo and you look like she's fucked off to Asia for a year!" My lovely step sister snaps, but as venomous her words sound, her face tells a whole other story.

She loves Naomi, always has, and she knows that she's the best that's ever happened to me, or will ever happen. Maybe she'll open her fucking eyes and see that she's only ever loved Effy instead of proving herself and her ex that she is capable of living without her.

She's not.

It's been always Effy for her. As much as I fear the brunette, I am not blind and I can appreciate that she's living and breathing for my sister. I'd never feel as content with another partner of Katie's. The obvious hatred she has towards me put aside, of course, she is what Katie needs. "Fuck off." I grin and raise my brow at her attempts to tame her develished her. "Had fun then?"

"Oh shut up, not like we've fucked on your bed...only against your mirror." She finishes with a glint in her eyes and I groan, chuckling at the same time because I don't know any one as filthy as her. "So, you back together then?" I nod towards Effy, who is taking care of her make up and clothes in the opened bedroom, she'd never look less than amazing.

Katie's eyes widen and a look of terror washed over her face. She slaps a hand over her mouth in shock and brown eyes focused, of course, on the ring on her left hand. "Fuck fuck...fucking...shite..Emily why didn't you stop me?" She hisses through her fingers, rubbing her face with her other hand. "I cant, I'm getting married Emily, fucking hell, I cant...EFFY!" Then she's off the couch and marching towards the other girl, who is on her way back into the sitting after the shriek.

They meet and glare at each other with faces full of hatred, pain and betrayal.

It's Effy who starts talking, my sister is too shocked to even think properly. "If you do it, if you fucking tell me to fuck off now I will never forgive you baby." Her voice and eyes are steel, slapping Katie like a huge pipe over the head and she lets out a heavy sigh. Her fight left when something changed in Effy's defence posture, when her eyes flickered over her face and filled with tears.

I know, it's probably not the most sensitive thing to do but I have to, she'll never let me live it down if I don't. "NAOMI! GET IN HERE!" Thankfully they are so caught up in the begging, longing looks they don't care about my screams.

My amazing girlfriend comes running, suspecting what's happening, and plops down beside me after she jumped over the back of the couch to watch them. Her right arm goes and fixes some new lines for all of us, with a speed I've never seen before, and then she's up and dragging them to the small table. She pushed them to the floor and thrust some rolled notes in their hands, nodding to the lines. "Relax, both of you, yeah? Let's just have fun tonight, tomorrow we'll deal with what we'll screw up, but tonight is all about fucking fun. Or fun fucking, whichever you choose." She winks then and I'm always amazed to see how she can defuse an already exploding bomb with a couple witty remarks, drugs and her charm.

Katie is the first one finished and giggles like a teenage girl at Naomi's excited expression before she clips her ear with her finger. A gesture siblings do, family does, and my heart warms at the scene when my blonde scrunched up her face and charges at Katie then, topping her and tickling the hell out of her.

My loud laugh booms through the walls, joining their infectious hysterics when Effy helps Naomi and grabs Katie's legs, tickling her feet, her weakest spot.

God is amazing, the things people think he's done, but this here, this is real, this is what makes my heart ache and burst, this is my own paradise and I couldn't be happier.


	4. Chapter 4

Hi guys, hope you enjoy the next chapter as much as I've enjoyed writing it. I dont know why, but it makes me smile, writing this story does. :) And I'm still blown away by all the positive response I'm getting for this.

Thanks

Keep commenting, I'll keep writing :) Deal? Deal.

* * *

"_How do you like your fish Naomi?" Dad asks the blonde teenager with a penetrating look, acting as if the devil was about to dig its horns out of her head any time soon if he stopped watching her. _

_I don't understand. _

_Naomi's made an effort to look decent, went as far as covering her legs up for a change. She's wearing jeans which are only ripped from the knees down and a vest clinging to her like a second skin but there is still an unzipped cardigan over it. Her hair isn't styled, that would have made my dad uncomfortable and because of that her face is clean off any make up too. _

_Not only her appearance is something different and lovely, she is quite the charmer too, always saying thank you and you're welcome, leaving her shoes by the door without being asked to, smiling politely when he sat her down and made her pray before dinner. I cant understand why dad is acting like this, he is a good man after all. Yet he wouldn't let the girl who has spent her whole summer with his only daughter feel welcome and comfortable in their home. _

_I don't like that, it makes me feel something I've never felt towards my father before. Anger. Naomi is nothing but lovely this afternoon, enduring all his inquisitively seeming 'questions' with bright eyes and an matching smile. "I've never eating anything like this before, Mr. Fitch, thank you." _

_Because of a whole summer of me not being capable of ever going on without seeing Naomi for longer than two hours, my thirteen year old self recognised the glint and words for what they were; lies. _

_White lies, mind you, Naomi hates fish and was nice enough to charm her way out of responding directly without actually lying. For me it is still lying, I wouldn't judge, always defended myself with that statement when we argue about lies and 'sparing someone's feelings' as Naomi calls it._

* * *

"_If it's not entirely the truth Naomi, it's called lying." I smiled, watching the clouds go by from my spot on the grass in Naomi's garden. Blue eyes widened and a finger was pointed at me. "You're calling me a liar Emily, again! What have I ever done to you to deserve being thought of that way? Huh? I saved you angel, I showed you a world with colours and laughter, carried you through fucking Egypt on my back for years into the modern world and this is how you repay me. It hurts. It really does." _

_Gaping, I wondered if every teenage girl was supposed to act like a lunatic every other minute or if that was reserved for only Naomi. The girl's mood changed from one second to the next, sometimes a pedestrian passing by threw her into a right day log tantrum, without doing anything to personally offend her, or acknowledge her. "I...what?" _

"_Yes, Emily, you've hurt me. Congratulations." With a sigh, as heavy as a fridge, Naomi fell back onto the grass and turned her head away, sulking. _

"_E...Egypt?" I tried not to stutter, not to laugh and explode when I wouldn't be able to stop, but the things Naomi's mouth threw at me from time to time were just hilarious. "I've never been to Egypt, neither have you." _

"_Pish-posh, what you're saying is of no importance and not relevant to me making a point." She waved her hand around, showing me exactly how important it was that we've never been to Egypt. "It's the bigger picture you have to look at, Emily." A loud groan ran through her body, and I felt it vibrate through every cell of my hot, sweaty (covered in layers of wool) body as we were laying that close that every part of our sides was touching. "It's a metaphor Emily. See, this is me being there for you, explaining you the world, so you're not that lost and all. And what you do? You accuse me of being a liar." _

"_But Naomi," I started, suppressing the 'awe' I wanted to coo at her cute display of being a brat, "you really don't have freckles and you didn't wash them away as a child. It's not possible, your mum says so too...", I explained patiently, hoping not to have to hear another one of Naomi's famous hour long rants about one thing or another. That girl could talk. Especially when she tried to explain herself and her weird ways of thinking._

* * *

"_So Naomi, have you settled into Bristol's exciting adventures? Must have been a great improvement getting to know something else than drug addicts, homeless souls and a morally confused youth." There is something flickering behind those blue eyes that brings a weird sense of worry out of me, I expected Naomi to blow up and start throwing plates at my father for insulting her beloved London. _

_Instead, the blonde just quirked an eye brow and bit her lip, fake smile firmly in place. "Have you been to London Mr. Fitch? It's really terrific, I cant remember a teacher who hasn't hit on me or tried to get me and the girls to smoke some rocks with him. It's really easy to get good grades if you get what I am talking about." She wriggled her eye brows, saying so much that I paled just the same way as my dad. "But I think I like my street's corner the best, there's always men wearing higher heels than I've ever tried, and their make up! Impressive I tell you. And whenever someone tried to beat me up, our neighbour whom we've only called 'Geronimo' went and made them leave town, never seen them again afterwards. Everyone is just soo lovely and nice, if you get sick, they all have all sorts of medication waiting for you, and when you know them, you get it for free until they cant bear to pay for it any longer and you think of ways to get in money for them." _

_She smiles at him with a satisfied look, and it is me who regains the composure and fakes a coughing fit to get dad's attention. "Wow, that surely have been quite the adventures." _

"_Oh yes" Naomi grins at me, "especially when someone went and nicked my telly again, just had to walk to the corner and get it back after I've agreed to a date with whoever stole it." _

"_That's enough!" Dad warns through gritted teeth, his face red and the veins look ready to pop. He desperately tried to stay calm, obviously not a great success. "Naomi, please tell me you are joking, this cant be the truth." _

_Shaking her head, Naomi wipes her lips with a tissue before her eyes locked on his. All traces of charm and smiles gone. "It's not. But that's what you've assumed just because I haven't spend most of my childhood in my mother's safe arms in Bristol. That's not very ecclesiastical, is it." _

"_Dad please" I beg, yet with no idea what I am begging him for, "just don't."_

_He holds Naomi's stare unflinchingly with a poker face that doesn't let on what he's thinking about a stranger's child lecturing him. So, with a cough, he looks back from Naomi's to my nervy face before nodding slightly. "Very well then, why don't you tell us how growing up in London has been like for you." That was more than a peace offering, it was a revolution, I think, astonished. Naomi's made him reconsider something he usually wouldn't have listened to if told so. He let the girl he thought was corrupted by the devil into his house and listened to reason, something his dead end thinking mind wouldn't have allowed before. _

_Naomi has the decency to smile and nod, not dwell on the subject any longer, obviously aware of the huge impact of this conversation's turn. "It was quite pleasant to be honest. I've lived in a very boring borough, all houses, fences and families but Camden Town was only a twenty minute ride on the bus away and I found my love for art there. Also, my school was one of the best in the country, a boarding school, and I don't think I'd ever learned that much anywhere else. There were very wise and old teachers, as were young ones bringing a modern touch to it. I loved the library the most, it's got a huge collection of no longer printed classics. My father worked as a life coach and had reached a sense of fame in that department, which made it possible for me to go there and the better alternative to letting me stay at Ringston's. I've seen him on a regular basis though, every weekend, if I wanted I could come home whenever I wanted or we would go see some exciting places on my summer, winter or spring break. I really cant complain. I feel blessed for having lived in a city with such a huge history and enormous art culture. There was something to do every day, a new exhibition there, a festival for one cause or another there, a new museum opening here and there, tiny little figures not bigger than my pinkies fingernail on the streets, hidden treasures everywhere. I loved it all, I still do actually." Her voice turned tender and a far away look makes her usually happy face as she remembers why she loves her city that much and how she misses it. "I've had a great group of mates too, they were probably what I'd call the best thing about all that. I got to explore the beauty of it all with them together at the same time, it's more fun to get to know what the world's got to offer with people not knowing it either." _

_I feel a stab in my heart, cant help but thinking that Naomi's meant me with the statement. _

"_It is like everything I enjoy doing here is a substitute so I wont break apart from missing everything so much." She closed her eyes for a moment, realising how personal her responds had turned and tried to fight blushing. "I'm sorry, got carried away a bit." _

"_It's fine." Dad coughed, seeking out my eyes with a questioning look. "I certainly hope you will settle in nicely here. I understand that Bristol must be a village for you, coming from a metropolis, but perhaps if you'd give it chance, it might surprise you." He rubs his neck awkwardly, not used to comforting a girl with words. Not used to comforting one at all, since I've turned eight there hasn't been an accident making me cry, and whenever I've had a nightmare, I'd pray afterwards and let god watch over me. "Perhaps you could let it make you happy. I know that your mother couldn't be happier about you finally being back with her, where you belong. Every child needs its mother." _

"_I disagree." Naomi shrugs when our identical brown eyes land on her. "I'm sorry but I've had the best time growing up with only my father. Sure, I don't have anything against my mother, but I wasn't some sad, abandoned child crying for her return. I enjoyed her visits, we kept in touch, but my father was all the parent I needed. He gave me what it needs to have a sense of right and wrong, even if I choose to ignore it, he gave me love and understanding. He taught me to be open and tolerant towards every living and breathing creature and showed me how to be a good person. I couldn't have ended up as the person I am without his constant presence. I wouldn't change it if my life depended on it, I'd never choose my mum over him." She looks at me then, and it feels like it's the first time since Naomi got there that she did so. "Or would you rather live with your mum than your dad? Isn't he enough, do you miss her or do you feel like you've only had half of what's needed to become a healthy good adult?" That's a thing with Naomi, she is a master of words and could turn every sentence around so that you have to agree. _

"_I..." I look to my father with a frown, pondering over the question. I know if I say he was enough for me he'd be hurt that I don't agree with his views of life. If I say that I miss my mother, he'd be hurt by it. _

_And in reality, I have never given it any thought before. "I don't know Naomi, never thought about it before." _

"_Exactly, because you don't live a horrible life. If you did, than you'd have thought about it regularly. But for you your father's enough, and Mr. Fitch you cant tell me that you don't try your best and hardest for Emily, and you love her. I think that's all a child should ask for." She bit into a potato, letting us alone with our thoughts to think about her statement. _

"_But Naomi," Dad says after a few minutes of silence, "don't you wish you'd grown up with both your parents by your side?" _

_She furrows her brows, thinking back to birthdays, Christmases, school plays and festivals her mother had attended whenever Naomi asked her to. "I don't think that I've ever been without my mother actually. Just because she didn't live with me doesn't mean she wasn't present for every occasion I needed her at." _

"_And that is the difference between Emily and you, Naomi. She never had the chance to see her mother, to invite her to important occasions or simply rant about me. Her mother had an accident when Emily was only four years old and I am sure it made it much worse than having her mother die at birth. Because Emily knew her, she had four years of unconditional love, security and not a care in the world which was ripped away one day. She knew what she missed and she didn't have a chance to decide if she wanted her mother around or not. You knew what you missed too, but you were also only a phone call away. You cant compare Emily's situation to yours." _

_Sadly we both have to agree with him on that. _

_I almost let my glass drop when I felt a warm hand rest on my knee, squeezing comfortingly. I sputtered, coughed and gasped for breath, but as dad is stiffly patting my back, my right hand's fingers clasped around Naomi's. _

_And for the rest of the meal we dont let go. _

* * *

"Wooohoooo my favourite muff munching bitches and Katie, lets get the party started!" Cook bellowed when we barge into the pub after filling up our system with loads of drinks and drugs at home. He recoils when we line up in front of him, his always leery face visibly softening when he meets stormy blue eyes. "And hello Effy, the love of my life." His arms encircle her slim waist and she is pulled into a gentle yet firm embrace, and like always, she is the only girl he doesn't try to grope the arse of. No, strangely he respects her too much to do that, and that after she's ripped out his heart again and again, leaving him heartbroken so she could be with _everyone_ else.

Effy snuggles into his fit body, placing her head on his broad shoulders which had gained a lot of muscle since she left at eighteen. "Cook." She whispers, always touched by his obvious adoration and love for her. Her head moves to look into his eyes and she smiles an honest smile, stroking his funny beard. He had grown up nicely, she decided. Cook has always been kind of an bad arse, cheap looking body with a tongue filthier than a sailor's. He had changed from cheap fake 15 pounds jeans, cheaper polo shirts and weird haircuts to a presentable fit bloke in his early twenties.

He's gained muscles and looks well sporty, his hair longer than before, maybe reaching his cheekbones, is thrown back in an no effort way which probably took an hour to accomplish. His three day long beard is running down his cheeks in a stripe, and up his chin to his bottom lip also. His features have changed a little too, the boyish innocence gone and replaced by a very good looking young man. He's wearing a black, tight tank top with ripped diesel jeans sitting low on his waist. His feet are covered by beat up Chuck's, an amazing contrast and truly Cook. The right arm has tattoos all over it and one was running up from under his tan top to link with the one on his arm. Effy's eyes follow it and she grins when she sees that it goes all the way back to his shoulder. It is masterpiece, his right side is, while his left stayed untouched. "You certainly changed."

"All thanks to you babe, took your advice and like you says the stupid bimbos wouldn't come near me any more. Instead only clever and beautiful girls rode the cookie monster, cant say I'm complaining, can I? Brought little Joan into my life, and that's your doing." Effy send Katie a questioning look, wondering why my sister hasn't mentioned anything about a little Joan she assumed is his daughter. "Joan, she your child then? How old is she?" A picture is thrust in front of her eyes, much too close and she cant see anything. So, with a grin she grasps his wrist, pulling it further away until her eyes land on a toddler sitting and laughing on Cook's neck as he was doing push ups and smiling like a fool into the camera. "Turning two in April, all my proud and joy Joanie is."

"And Joanie's mother?" Effy inquires with a crocked brow. Cook leans on one of the pillars the pub has everywhere, shrugging with an easy smile. "Didn't work out, did it. Bitch tried to fuck off to Ireland with my daughter but I dealed with it, adult way and all that attorney bollocks, now she has to live at least three hundred miles close to me. But 'nough bout me, tell me how you're doing Eff. Pretty scare you gave me before you pissed off after your A-Levels." Cook's two years older than Effy and Naomi, making him almost almost 25 years while I am was barley 20.

"I'm good Cook, just had to get away. Couldn't stand being apart from her, you know." He nods, a dark cloud changing his face, makes him look so much older than he was. "Yeah, fucked you up good and proper the Fitch Bitch did. What I never understood though, why the fuck did you leave when you couldn't be with her?"

Obviously they have realised that Katie went with Naomi to get drinks, or they don't care, either way I am thankful that she's not here listening to this.

After the last fight Effy and Katie had after they got their A-Levels, a fight about my sister wanting to explore the world before starting to work, while Effy had enrolled into university in Bristol, Effy had gone to Cook's and fucked the pain away. She left town afterwards, not capable of living in the shadows of their past without Katie there. They've had one night then, Cook and Effy did, and he was the one bringing her to the train station the next morning with promises of phone calls and mails, neither of which he ever received.

Naomi's kept in touch with Effy, often visiting her in my girlfriend's home town and she updated Cook regularly on the brunette's whereabouts.

"She left Bristol the next day going away for at least a year and I couldn't stay." He nods again, looking towards Naomi and Katie sitting in a booth and downing shots. "She's getting married, Eff, you know? Arrived last spring with a fiancé, a hot chick and sadly I've got to give her credit for scoring a pretty 8." Effy's eyes darken and she stopped breathing, before spitting through gritted teeth. "The fucking joke is off."

Her eyes are on me then and I try to smile my way out of it and slowly walk towards the booth but her hand in on my arm, keeping me there. "It's off right?" I have to admit that I am a bit scared of her, always been but this isn't my fight to fight. I shrug helplessly with a big sigh, feeling bad when her face falls. "I honestly don't know Eff. Yes you've fucked, but don't you always? I mean, is there a way for you to be together if you really think about it or are you just pissing on your territory?"

Her anger is directed at me, only me, and I'm not sure what's scaring me more; Her mad eyes or her nails digging into my shoulders the way she grips me.

"Come on Eff, leave Naomi's girl alone, blondie'll break your hands. Believe me, I remember her protectiveness." Cook mutters with a grin, not doing much to help me. I guess he at least said _something_.

My head turns left automatically and like always, Naomi moves to look for me in that moment. Her eyes shoot daggers when she gets to her feet and marches over with huge steps. She doesn't say a word after her hands pried off Effy's, not very gentle, and she pushed her backwards. Not enough to make her fall but enough to show her she's serious. One of the hottest things about Naomi? She is very territorial, hates it when someone corners me. In her eyes I am hers, little narcissist, and no one's allowed to touch anything that's hers.

Usually I'd tell her to stay out of it, but as I said, I kinda fear for my life around Effy. She's a crazy bitch who hated me from day one, who knows what she'll do if she gets the chance.

One person as scary as Effy? Naomi, hands down. Sure, Effy's a tad more intimidating from the start when you see her appearance but when my girlfriend gets angry, she doesn't get loud or threaty, no, she scares the hell out of people no matter if she's wearing Chuck's or stilettos. She gets that look, her eyes kinda make people rather jump in front of a train than to stick around to find out what she'd do to them. But that's just it. One minute she's all daemonic, the next she's the most funny, arrogant, crazy girl I've ever seen. Loved it all.

She still hasn't said a word when she lets me take her hand and lead her back to the booth before a bitch fight can break out from the way they glare at each other.

Both unbelievably scary, but they knew from the start, they had to be mates, everything else would have killed them. Lets say, they would have been enemies as teenagers, good god, that would've brought them to the grave or jail. So they just combined their powers and had the best of times because of it. Well, some loving times if I dare to remember, too. A shudder runs down my back when I think back to Naomi's first summer, right to when she started going all soppy about Effy.

* * *

_With quite steps I make my way down the stairs as stealthy as I can. A huge sigh of relief leaves my body when __I'm out of the back-door, without having my father waking up in the middle of the night to witness it. Naomi is standing there, wearing a huge jumper and, well, no trousers, I can only hope she's got some knickers on underneath. Her hair is a mess, as always when it's not hidden under some hats, caps or beanies and her mascara (she taught me the word) I smeared under her eyes._

_What's making my blood run cold is her expression, she looks blissed out, content, relaxed. _

_She never is relaxed, that girl is charged with energy that's always making her appear as a buzzing ball of skin and bones. She cant even stand still for more than a minute without getting restless. Yet now she's leaning on our wooden fence, more relaxed than I've ever seen her. She's smoking again, like always and blows the smoke out in circles. "I think Effy's my girlfriend." She states with a shy smile and confused, yet excited eyes. She's looking like an actual fifteen year old girl having a crush on someone, I know that look from all the TV shows she's making me watch at her place. Educating me into life, she calls it. _

"_Oh." Is my intelligent response, cant get anything out through the huge lump in my throat. _

_She doesn't seem to notice, or care as her eyes find her own bedroom window, looking up with an disbelieving smile. "Yeah. I hate it when people do that, announcing a relationship after a couple days, but this is different. She is different. We are so different but so alike at the same time. I know I'd never ask her to be my girlfriend, that's not something you do in real life, it's embarrassing, and she wouldn't either. But yesterday after we were at the bar she had her boyfriend pick her up, and I felt jealous for the first time. It was weird, but I didn't like her going back to his after we've had such an nice day you know?" I nod, because I don't know but have to hear the whole story any way. "Well, she must have noticed something was up because she offered to tell him to fuck off, he was standing right beside us by the way, his face was priceless. Of course I told her to go and not to worry, but it felt weird. Then I realised why." _

"_Why?" Managing to ask I fear the answer, knowing I wont like it. "Because Emily, the last week has felt like a huge foreplay. We were constantly flirting, always touching and seeking each other's company, without me realising it I've gotten quite sure that we'd end up in bed at one point. It was crystal clear where we were headed, you know? But we never talked about it, I never thought about it that way, it took James to come along to pick up his girlfriend for me to see that I cared. It's more than a unbelievable good shag Ems, wouldn't have felt that way it it were only that. I've fucked taken girls before, never cared much about it because it was obviously nothing more than sex. But here, well, not with Effy." She eyes me for a moment before blue eyes land back on her window where Effy is behind I assume. "She texted me then, after they left and I acted really weird. She asked what's wrong and stuff, I was really short and tried to reassure her that everything was fine, but that I thought we were flirting and shit. Just told her that it was weird to have her boyfriend pick her up." _

"_Did she try to talk her way out of it?" I ask, maybe wishful thinking made me say it. I don't know. "I mean, did she try to tell you that it was your imagination?" I've seen it happen on a few shows she's making me watch. _

"_No." The shy smile is back and she's shuffling her bare feet across the cool grass. "Said that I am right and she apologised for being insensitive, making him pick her up." She takes a big drag of her cigarette. "Then, maybe an hour later she was banging on my door and barged into my room when Gina let her in. She pretty much attacked me. I was already in bed after my shower and I don't wear much as you know," She let the sentence hanging with a content sigh, making me dig my fingernails into my palms. _

"_You had sex with her?" My voice is accusative and I feel my face harden when I ask her the question. She noticed too, quirks her brow and bites her lip with a frown. Then her right hand moves to my waist and she just kinda strokes the material of my nightgown. "I talked with her about you and she wont be mean again, she promised." Bless her, she thinks that this is still the reason for my weird behaviour. "Even better, she said she'd protect you now. She knew from the moment I've punched her that you are off limits Ems, you're my best mate, you're mine. So don't worry okay? It wont be weird or anything. But I need you to try too, please." _

"_Did you have sex with her then?" She nods and puffs out some smoke when a chuckle fights its way from the back of her throat. "Yeah, for the past 30 hours. God, she's amazing." _

_I cant listen to her swoon all over Elizabeth, so I cough and shake my head. "Naomi, it was you who told me that sex doesn't mean feelings. Aren't you getting ahead of yourself with that?" I'm not stupid, I know I'm grasping at straws here but the news of her and Elizabeth clutch my heart, squeezing it repeatedly and I don't like that feeling. _

_She pushes off the fence and takes a seat on the stone stairs, grabbing my hand she pulls me down beside her. Now that we're sitting and she pulled her jumper over her knees to rest her head on top of them, I can see that she's wearing boxer shorts. _

"_I know, usually it doesn't involve feelings. But, I am not a cold hearted, broken bitch Emily. I don't have any emotional ex baggage, wounds that wont heal, never felt heartbreak and I'm not oppose having feelings. They just weren't there with the other people I've had. But this was it, the jealousy I felt was a pretty good clue and then what I've felt when she kissed me for the first time. God, it felt as if fucking bats were crashing against my ribcage, to hell with butterflies. And I felt her feel it too, she jumped me, yes, attacked me on my bed. But when she was laying on top of me and her fucking magnificent eyes were staring into my soul, she leaned down and kissed me so tenderly I almost passed out. She was so gentle and loving, such a contrast to how we started. I always imagined it being raw and dirty, and unbelievably sexy, us. But it was beautiful Emily. She whispered into my ear that she's left James, dumped him and we've kissed for hours, it took even longer til she was completely naked." She let out a sigh and leaned over to rest her head on my shoulder. "You know, the moment she kissed me, the way she looked at me showed me everything. But hearing her say she left that wanker made me know that she wanted more than a quick shag. We are more. And god, it feels amazing. Having her close, kissing her whenever I want, making her laugh. Fucking her, god that feels beyond everything I've ever experienced. Sure, I've had my share of nice shags, but like I said, there were no feelings involved before and Effy just bomb it all out. It is earth-shattering." _

_Hearing her say those things made me almost gasp, it does sounds beautiful. And besides, she looks so happy, and so calm, that I cant make it something bad just because it hurts me in some way. _

_Lets face it, I'd never be brave enough to throw my believes and my dad's opinion out of the window to ever act on my feelings, I don't even fully understand them yet. So, with a nod I kiss her cheek and tell her that I am happy for her. Because I am, I am happy she's found someone who obviously seems to make her happy. Even if it wont last, she'd have been happy for a while. Besides, lets not forget that I am thirteen years old, a child compared to them._

_She's happy now._

_That's what's important. _


	5. change

_Here's the next one, hope you like it. tell me if you do, tell me if you dont. ;) not enough reviews though, so you better start reviewing because that always makes me more enthusiastic to write. _

* * *

"Pull that shit again and you'll regret it, hun," Effy spits through her teeth, casually stalking back to our booth. Her arm automatically wraps around Katie and she simply ignores the way my sister tries to shake her off, it only makes her tighten her grip. "no one fucking touches me that way. Not my family, my lover, mates and certainly not you."

Katie's ears perk up at that and she raises her brows at Naomi in question. "What's happening here babes?"

"Your girlfriend's decided to be a right bitch to Emily, had her fucking hands on her. You know Effy" Her eyes left brown ones and moved to Effy's which are still glaring, "you should be happy I didn't break your fucking fingers. Whatever's your fucking problem, it's yours and you leave Emily well out of it. You've got your own Fitch to figure shit out with."

Rolling her eyes Effy sets them on me, staring me down with that smirk again. "Awe, I'm sorry Emily. Totally forgot you've not the guts to deal with stuff on your own, had to get the coolest kid to protect you as a child and still need it to stand up for you, yeah?" This time it's me who smirks as I lean into Naomi. "Yeah, thank god Naomi came along when I was still such a _kid_ or I'd have misinterpreted your insanity for coolness at some point. Certainly found the coolest kid around, don't you think?"

Katie is the first one to crack, throwing her head back she barks out laughter that's so infectious even Naomi and Effy join in. Then I see my girlfriend wink at Effy over the rim of her beer with a grin and my eyes roll. These two have always been nothing but trouble. Never being able to have a fight for longer than a minute, which had annoyed me to no end back then. Now, I don't know. We've grown up, but having Effy back here is bringing the unsure little catholic kid back out of me.

* * *

"_Emily, why are you still home? I thought you were to stay at the Campbell's tonight to help Naomi with her maths homework?" My dad, bless him, has believed her obvious lie when she asked him on Monday if I could stay over on Friday. He said no, of course, but she wouldn't let go. School has started and it was her perfect plan to get me into her bedroom over the night. _

"_She's in town shopping and will pick me up after." It isn't a lie. Telling him that she had to go shopping instead of accompany Elizabeth getting drinks almost is shopping, isn't it? "It shouldn't be long now." _

_His face is set in a deep frown. _

_I have never slept at someone else's place before, it is a new situation for the both of us. My nerves are all over the place, but I cant even start to think what he must be feeling. "I hope you remember the rules Emily." _

"_I do." I nod and close the 'wuthering heights' book Naomi's making me read. It disturbs me to be honest. She had laughed and said that it disturbed everyone and that's why I had to read it, to feel what the world is feeling. "No boys, no cigarettes, no alcohol, no TV, no fast food, no coke or any other soda, no forgetting to pray, no sharing a bed, no rudeness towards Naomi or her mother, no doing anything other than helping her with her maths problems, no party, piercings or tattoos, no hair dying, no nothing what I've never done before. No sex." _

_He looks away then, fidgeting with his hands. "Right. I want you home tomorrow morning at 8 sharp."_

_Looking at the old clock on our counter I sigh, it's almost two hours since she was supposed to pick me up. I'm debating on going over myself just when I dad's suggested the same thing. "It's getting dark soon, you should go over and ask Mrs. Campbell if you could perhaps wait for Naomi there. Maybe you could be any help." _

_I guess there is no way I'm getting out of this, otherwise he'll just say that I'm not allowed to go any more. When she'll get here too late for his liking I wont be ever sleeping at hers. So I pack up my stuff from the kitchen table and walk to our hallway for my shoes and coat. My heart almost stops beating when I see my father do the same. "What are you doing? It's the next house, I can go by myself." I'm mortified after he shook his head vehemently. _

"_No, not when you're going over there uninvited." _

"_But I am invited, Gina knows that I will be staying the night." I certainly hope so. _

_My father is very old-fashioned, he doesn't ring the bell, no, he has to knock three times. I hope that a hole will open up and swallow me, this is embarrassing. It gets worse when the door actually opens to reveal a smirking Effy, not wearing very much. She could've at least thrown over a jumper, no? She is standing in front of us in her jeans and a bikini top, knowing fully well what that does to my awkward father who cant even look into her direction and started muttering to god under his breath. _

"_Gina is in the tub, want to go up and talk to her?" His head turns so fast I think he might have broken it, thankfully only a crack was heard. "No thank you Elizabeth. I wasn't aware that this is supposed to be a party." _

"_It's not Mr. Fitch." A charming smile plays on her lips as she leans on the door frame. "I was going over our lit lists for the semester with Naomi, checking if we had some books to read in common. Need to stop living that sumptuously, why support killing more trees than necessary? Besides, Naomi's an old hippie, she's always owning fair copies of everything that I can borrow. I'll be off as soon as she gets here though, not quite finished with her list yet. Would you like me to bring you up to the bathroom then? I assume you're here to talk to Gina." _

_She's got him wrapped around her little mean finger, how the heck do they do that? I cant, well, I haven't really tried my luck yet. _

_My eyes almost bulged out when his next words hit me. "No dear thank you. Could you just keep an eye on young Emily as long as Naomi is out? I'd very much appreciate it." _

"_Of course." She's took my hand without any hesitation, like we're the best of mates and this was an usual situation. "Come on Emily, I'll show you the guest room you'll be sleeping in." Turning to my dad she reaches out and shakes his hand. "It was nice seeing you Mr. Fitch. I wish my father would care enough to bring me places, even mates houses. He doesn't though, I could get kidnapped and raped on my way over and he still wouldn't blame himself." Looking towards the ground she plays the innocent victim so good even I believe her, perhaps I've misjudged her. _

_As soon as the door's closed though the spell's broken and she pushes me off her like I've burned her. "Hands off me sainty dyke." Great, she thought of a new word for me. __Our truce had fooled me into thinking that she's more than this mean girl hating me for my bare existence. "I'm sorry." I mutter, looking away in fear she might lash out and hit me. Who knows what she's capable of. _

"_You don't have to be sorry, what have I told you Effy?" Naomi's stern voice interrupts the brunettes glare contest she has with herself. Blue eyes rise to meet Naomi's, who's walking down the stairs holding a rolled cigarette and a beer. _

_When she's right in front Effy, glaring her little face off, the mean girl just wraps her arms around her waist and pulls her in. She's leaning towards her, as if to kiss her, but then in the last second when Naomi's tries to reach her lips she'd pull away an inch. Doing that until Naomi grabs the back of her head and crashes their lips together, Effy chuckles into her mouth as they kiss like carefree teenagers. _

_That's what they are. _

_Teenagers in love who are __supposed__ to pretend the mother is taking a bath, walk down the stairs with beer and drugs and make out with each other, lying their butts off all through it. That's what teenagers do, isn't it? It's normal behaviour, everything else would be strange. Like...me. __I__ am strange and that's how I feel when my eyes desperately try to look anywhere except for the happy new couple snogging like the world is going to end. _

_Not knowing what to do with myself I stand there awkwardly, in the middle of the hallway, wishing I'd be anywhere but here. _

_It's Effy who breaks away first, that mean smirk on her lips. Is it funny that only I find it weird how she always seems to wear the same facial expression? And not a nice one either. Naomi thinks she looks 'fucking fit' and she's 'drop dead gorgeous' a real 'cunning stunt' and I've to say that I'm surely glad that I have no idea what __that__ means. "Emily's looking at me like she's disgusted." _

_What a tell-tale. _

_My blonde friend moves her head to the side so she can see me, a look of confusion gracing her pretty features. "What are you doing here Emily? Thank god Effy's looked out the window, we'd have been fucked if I opened the door." _

"_You were supposed to pick me up today and my father was getting suspicious. He wouldn't let me go later so he brought me." She furrows her brows a bit more, obviously forgotten what I am talking about. "I was going to spend the night." _

"_Oh." _

"_Even I knew that." Effy helped with a gleam in her mean eyes, making me think that she isn't really trying to help at all. "That's why I've tried to cover for your mum, he wouldn't have left her here otherwise. Knew you'd have my head if I let her leave." _

_Rolling her greyish eyes Naomi pecks Effy's cheek, knowing very well that she's not done it to be nice. It was enough for her though, and she seems to have forgotten how mean Effy was to me just a minute ago. Well. "Forgive me?" The brunette smirks at Naomi, her fingers slowly moving along her bare sides. With an eye roll Naomi's lips press to Effy's before she shakes her head in pure amusement. _

_How nice that she finds her amusing. _

"_All right, so while you're here, what were we supposed to be doing?" Naomi mutters, flickering her eyes to me before they go back to be locked on Effy's. Why is that making my tummy hurt? _

"_I don't know? I think you needed help with maths, but I imagine it being a lie." A proud grin forms on her lips and she's reached out to pull me into a one armed hug. "Awe, I'm so proud." We giggle until Effy steps away and takes the beer from my friends hand, smiling as she drinks. "Want one Emily?" _

"_No thank you." I smile, remembering my manners. Just when she opens her mouth to try and insist I drink Naomi shushes her and rolls her eyes. "Stop it Eff. Come on Ems, go bring your shit into my room and get back down afterwards. We'll order some food and watch a new show I found." _

"_Seriously? If I wanted to spend my Friday with food and the telly I'd have stayed with James." Effy's annoyed words hit Naomi and I see her falter for a moment before she shrugs helplessly. "If she's insisting on being a saint we don't have to, right baby?" "What you mean?" Shrugging Effy reached for the cigarette Naomi is holding and lights it. _

_When the smell hits me I furrow my brows, not remembering rolled cigarettes smelling that way. Naomi meets my eyes hastily and seems relieved that I'm not doing something, or doing it, I don't know. Cant tell. "Want a drag?" Effy again. _

"_No, thank you." I grit my teeth, a little fed up with her. _

"_Your loss." Smiling she moves her head to Naomi and puts the burning end between her own lips before wrapping her fingers around it, making a tent. Naomi puts her mouth onto her hands and seems to draw in that smoke Effy is blowing out. _

_What the heck are they doing? _

_Naomi's got that stupid grin, with her eyes half closed and really red, when she takes the cigarette between her fingers and brings it to her lip the proper way. Blowing the smoke into Effy's direction she looks ready to pee her pants when the brunette doesn't flinch but stares at her all hungrily. "Uh Em? Can you bring your stuff upstairs? Why don't you put on some comfortable clothes?" Naomi doesn't even look at me when she says that, her eyes are glued to Effy's and the girls look ready to pounce each other. _

"_Because I don't have any." _

"_You didn't bring comfy clothes?" Effy murmured, taking a step into Naomi's personal space. I shake my head, she must have seen it because she offers a solution. "Just take something out of Blondie's closet then and get ready." Her words are final so I make my way up, feeling sick when I hear them giggle and kiss as soon as I'm out of sight._

* * *

"No no no, you know why you need to stop that nonsense? I'll tell you" Effy says in rapid speed to my sister, not taking a breath between her words. "Easy. Because you love me more and when you love someone more you don't go marrying some 8er bitches, are you? See? It's simple maths, you don't marry a 8 when you have the golden 10. What you say Blondie?" She's having the typical talking flash one has when on pills and coke.

My sister is currently standing beside our booth and dancing, just dancing like a maniac in our direction. She still listens though, her shaking head is actually meant for Effy. Her need to move comes from the same place Effy's flash is. "No matter what Naomi says will change the fact that I'm getting hitched, deal with it."

Naomi's stroking my thigh, she always is very touchy needy when she's high. "I think you should call it off and go back to Eff."

Blue eyes shine when Effy hears Naomi words and she looks back at my girlfriend with such an happiness it makes me giggle. God we're so pissed. "Thank you Naomi, you've not got an idea how much that means to me. Hearing you say that. You are absolutely wonderful Blondie, a true walking wonder! Have I ever told you that?"

Giggling Naomi leans into me, her glossy eyes locked on Effy's. "Every day for a whole summer, _lover_."

They break out in giggles at that, their short romance seeming like a joke to them now.

Katie and I roll our eyes at the strange conversation they are having going on now, all tongues flattering outside their mouths and winking eyes, acting out the worst sexual advances ever. When we see Naomi stand up and clap her own bum we explode in laughter. This makes her stop for a moment in surprise and to stop an hour long conversation, about what we found that funny, I kiss her, making her forget about it. "Come on Em, you've gotta say that Katie was amazing with Effy."

I grin at my girlfriend. "Sure, she knows how to handle the biggest bitches."

"Takes one to do so." Katie pipes in, laughing at her own joke. We roll our eyes but Effy, well Effy doesn't. Instead she's watching Katie.

The way my sister laughs, all carefree and lose, the brunette's honest eyes are staring at her so open and awestruck I have to gulp. Through all the bitchiness, mean attitude and arrogance Effy has one weakness that brings her to her knees, the ones that's been always doing nothing else than that.

Katie.

Whereas I know that I can be happy without Naomi, that I can _live_ without her, and how she can too I'm not sure Effy ever really got over my sister. Not fully, not really, not truly.

Everything else is a cheap substitute.

Methadone, to her heroin. Or worse, Subutex!

It's only cheating her brain into thinking she's not missing it until she forgets to take one dose and has to fight through withdrawal right away, no matter how long ago her last hit was. That's how I see it, and when I do, I cant help feeling bad for her.

A tray full of shots slams down on our table and we cheer, screaming our enthusiastic response to Cook's lovely surprise. He's howling like the ugly boy he was in his teens, all crazy with wild eyes and I look around, smiling. This group, this weird group full of bitches and wankers are actually pretty fucking amazing and I was lucky to have find them when I did.

* * *

_My hearts stops when I hear the hard steps getting close to our front door, knowing that something really bad has happened. I'm out of the bed and running down the stairs instantly, not breathing, __when I open the door and see Naomi shivering. She's in tears and in my arms instantly, sobbing like someone died and my blood runs cold. Could it be that her father has finally died? He was in hospital for over three months now and she has been too scared to visit, could it be that she has missed her last chance to do so? "Naomi? What happened?" _

_For the first time I don't care what my father might think or do, I don't whisper. Instead a very firm voice, so strange to my own ears, keeps talking to an almost hysterical Naomi. She doesn't cry, Naomi never cries, so what the hell happened that's making her cry like a wounded animal?"What the fuck happened?" _

"_Emily!" My father's stern voice scolds me, but his face shows the same concern I am feeling and he pries Naomi off of me gently, making her look at him. "Naomi love, tell me what happened. Are you hurt? Is your mother okay? Your friend Elizabeth? Has something happened to her?"_

_She shakes her head a few times, new tears spilling down her cheeks. "No. My dad, he...he's dying." _

_I wouldn't have thought he was capable of doing so but then I see my father reach out and pull Naomi into a strong hug, if not a bit awkward. I cant remember a time when he hugged me. _

_Perhaps things are changing. "It's going to be all right love, he will finally be freed from the pain." "Shut up!" She screams, wriggling out of the awkward embrace with blazing eyes. "Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" _

"_But god will take care of him now, he will" He stops, possibly out of fear, when she lets out an animalistic scream, her face red and angry. "DONT you fucking tell me that __god__ will do shit! GOD doesn't exist! He's only in the imagination of the poor and stupid who are too scared to realise how fucking tiny and unimportant they are in this universe! He's not waiting on the other side, there is no fucking light and there sure as hell is no paradise awaiting us! Religion was created to make the poor, poorer, and the rich, richer! Fucking church is the worst cult on this planet and have committed more crimes than any other country/race/cult! Fucking stupid twats, paying for a ticket to paradise!" New tears run down her beautifully devastated face. "There is no god! If there were, he wouldn't take children, innocent people and good ones! He wouldn't allow war and he wouldn't cut off someone's life at the age of forty when the person always lived like __**God **__had wanted them to! A god that mighty and holy wouldn't 'plan' to kill off babies and good people, because that'd make him evil, fucking evil bastard he is!" _

_My father is staring at her and I'm really surprised to see nothing but sympathy in his deep eyes. It's almost as if he can feel her pain, the way I do. My hands fly back to my face and I wipe away fallen tears, her breakdown has made me cry without realising it. "Would you like to spend the night, Naomi?" He offers, his voice softer and warmer than I've ever heard before. _

_She shakes her head, letting out a long, ragged breath. The anger and tension visibly leaves her body, she has needed to let it all out. The anger, the disappointment and the pain, she has needed to let it all out and now only silent tears are streaming down her pretty face. "Thanks, but I'm going to London in twenty minutes. Mum's called for a cab, Effy's on her way." _

"_Would you like Emily to join you?" _

_My eyes grow wide when he offers me to tag along to London. Am I dreaming? How can this be happening? I have to be dreaming, but, why would I dream about Naomi's dad's death? _

_Shrugging, Naomi looks to me. She looks broken, chalk and cheese to her usual appearance and demeanour. "Dont know. Effy's coming so Em doesn't need to come. I know you wouldn't sleep well if she were in London by herself. Besides, we're going alone, without mum." _

_Why does it sound like she wants me to stay here and not join them? She's lying to him every chance she gets if it means that I can stay at hers for a bit longer or even the night. But taking me London isn't something she'd like? Why not? Am I not 'cool' enough for her chick urban life and friends? _

_Stop it Emily. She probably doesn't want to take you because she isn't going there to show you everything you'd want to see but to say her last goodbye to her dad. _

_The rational part of my brain tries to make me see the truth, but the irrational, almost pubescent part is sulking. I know that I'm acting selfish and immature but I am a child, and I think that I am allowed to act like that from time to time. "Let me bring you home." I mutter instead, only throwing at look at my father that says; I'm not asking, dad, don't try and stop me this time. _

_He gets the message and with a helpless shrug, I'm suddenly wearing his coat. "It's raining, don't get ill." Whispering he places a huge hat on Naomi's wet hair, smiling sadly. "I know that you will get through this, Naomi. You might not want to hear it now, but you are one extraordinary young lady who will set this world on fire. You will get through it." _

_Eyeing him suspiciously, she nods reaching for my hand. _

_Should I have felt that things were about to change? The feeling I've had since she moved in next door, the feeling of something huge happening, should I have felt it starting in that cold, rainy, October night? _

_The way to her house is like it always was. Only the silence, except for the storm around us, is unusual. Naomi's too lost in her head to entertain me, and it's all right. When we walked up to her front door I realised what was happening though, what big thing was about to rip this new found happiness out of my life. In the moment she's ripped her hand free from mine and lunged forwards, right into a waiting Effy's arms, I knew it. _

_It is the first time that they weren't snogging like the world was gonna collapse, they weren't trying to win an award in dry humping. "I came as fast as I could honey, lets go." And Effy's voice is so fucking tender, so loving, that I just know Naomi wont be there any more when they get back. _

_Not the way she was until now. _

"_Have a safe trip." I mumble, tugging on Naomi's shirt's sleeve but she only nods and walks into the house, pulling Effy with her. _

_When the door closes, I know that I've lost her, without ever having her in the first place. _

_Things have to change, I muse with a frown. I cant cry my eyes out over losing something I never really fought for, can I? But me, the way I am, and her, the way she is, don't fit. She'd laugh in my face, and I just know that my dad will end up with a heart attack if I ever brought home someone like Naomi. _

_Girls were wrong enough, but a devil's brat like Naomi? _

_He'd never be fine with it, never._

* * *

"I'm tired." It's too heavy, my head and my whole body are, to turn my head to Naomi who's whining with a pillow over her head. "They need to stop fucking fucking, Ems stop them."

"Urgh." She throws the pillow off her face and moves so that she's laying half on top of me, squinting. "Attractive. Now go into sitting room and stop your sister having sex. It's nine fucking am."

"I cant." Mumbling I shut my eyes. "I'm dying."

"No you're not. You're just whining, now go or I'll never fuck you again."

"Doesn't sound like a bad deal right now, don't think I'll ever be up for shagging again. I'm gonna puke if you touch me." Rolling her eyes Naomi flops down on top of me, gentley stroking my bare stomach. We've just woken up, haven't slept for more than three hours though because Effy showing Katie why she shouldn't get married has kept us awake and now it's woken us! They don't have a stop button, and they just keep going and going. There are screams of ; I hate you fuck off! And screams of; Oh yeah baby, just like that' follow them.

But something is in the back of my head, something we've forgotten somehow but I cant remember. "Naomi what is today? I feel like we've forgotten something."

"Dunno, don't care. Go to sleep and stop moving." She's half asleep, with her breath even and fluttering lids. God she's so fucking beautiful, what a beautiful bitch. "But Naomi" "No!" Her annoyed hiss and her poking fingers make me groan, god why does she have to be such an arse when she's tired? "I'm serious! Something is today, we're supposed to do something."

With an annoyed expression she pushed herself up, her eyes mean and angry and oh so beautiful, when she stares at me. "I don't fucking care. We've got home at six, now it's nine. Whatever we're supposed to do has to fucking wait til we slept properly." A long yawn makes her close her eyes. "Besides, it's not like our parents are gonna arrive."

Silence.

We watch each other in fear and then she's off me and out of bed, pulling on my arms. "FUCK! Your dad's coming! Did you see the fucking state our flat is in? He's gonna send you to some deserted island to do missionary work, Em! Get the fuck up!"

"I'm up, I'm up." I yawn, letting her force me into a sitting position where I still have my eyes closed. "Water?"

She glares, and just when I'm about to fall back asleep she's thrusted the bottle into my hands. "Drink, shower, get dressed and help me clean this dump." I nod, falling backwards but she only groans and pulls me to my feet, steadying me with her hands on my hips.

I open my eyes and they are tired but I see how absolutely beautiful she is glaring at me. "God, you're so fucking pretty. You've got so fucking pretty eyes Naomi."

And she fights the smile, but when I keep looking at her in pure adoration she blushes and swats my wandering hands away. "I know. Just...go take a shower. I'll clean up the place." Tomorrow she'll accuse me of using my manipulative ways to get out of cleaning, but I don't care. Not if it means I can take a long shower and not move around like a headless chicken cleaning. "Come with me, you stink too." She's trying to argue, dashing out pretty good points why we shouldn't take a shower together, but when I drag her off into the bathroom she's already stripping out of her sleep shirt with a grin.

Dad can wait, I've got to enjoy the perks of living in sin first.


	6. see my hair,my eyes,my heart

_hello,hello Chicas, and Chicos _

_I had no idea you where missing this so much :)_

_cant have that, can I?_

_off we go, watching little saint Emily's huge make-over. _

_Ps: don't worry, Naomi's relationship with Effy wont hold forever but beware, until Emily and Naomi finally find their way together will take a bit of time. :) _

_have fun and tell me what sucked ;)_

* * *

There is no question if we've managed to pull ourselves together long enough for our parent's visit.

We haven't.

I'm currently standing by the tiny kitchen counter, my eyes are closed, and I'm trying not to fall asleep. It'd be nice if the little fucker with the hammer would stop banging around in my brain, they always have loads to do when you're hungover, yeah? "Serviettes, need serviettes because your father, obviously, cant use napkins like every other person. No, he needs fucking serviettes."

Turning my head to the side from where I hear the banging of drawers, impressed by the wonder that she can function, at all. "We don't have serviettes, Eff. " If looks could kill, well, I'd be a pile of ashes. "Sorry, we don't."

"Great, fucking great Emily. I've had to endure a ten minutes preach about fucking serviettes and what the difference to napkins is, only got out of it saying I'm gonna get some. He'll crucify me if I get back without them. Probably playing with his holy water bottle in his trousers all the time, I certainly hope so otherwise he's a fucking perv."

Nodding I close my eyes again, ignoring her ranting and sighing, the best I can.

"If he tells me one more time that I'm not good enough for you, I'm kicking him out." My eyes fly open again and lock on furious blue ones, god she's pissed off. "Seriously Em, one more time and he'll feel what it's like to be treated poorly. Old fucking bastard." She's lighting a fag, pinching out the smoke with painful long draws that make her cough.

Nodding I close my eyes again, ignoring her ranting and growling, the best I can.

I hear her before she actually reaches the kitchen, her groans and snapping is making the ground vibrate. Feels like it at least. "Fucking pathetic pack of holy hypocrites! You lot know what they just said to me? Unbelievable! Fucking unbelievable! I'm an adult, yeah? Can do what the fuck I want and don't need mummy and holy daddy's permission for shit!"

Opening my eyes I see her fuming, brown eyes glaring like a mean scolded child. I'm about to nod when she's shrieking. "Did you even fucking listen to me? I haven't told you what they said you bitch!"

Three angry girls, all pissed off at someone else, are staring me down. "Great Em, real supporter you are." My beautifully angry girlfriend snaps between two short puff of her cancer stick. "Perhaps I should just fucking leave! Obviously, you don't care if I'm here fighting off your dad like a fucking professional dragon slayer! He doesn't want me anywhere near you!"

"You know that's not true." Is my weak response, it makes them laugh. "All right, he does but he means YOU, not women generally. That's something, isn't it?" The moment her eyes narrow I know that it was the wrong thing to say, perhaps I've made it much worse now.

Dog house, here I come.

"Charming, fucking classy Em! You know how to talk to girls, don't you? Well, I guess you're right. As long as he's not disowning you for being a fucking dyke all is good, yeah? No problem that he's making my life hell whenever he sees me."

I close my eyes again and wave her away, knowing that if I'd get into that now, we'll have a huge fight and I'm just not up for it. Not at fucking all. "Yeah, stop being such an egoistic bitch Emily, she's your girlfriend and you should fucking stick up to him for her."

Opening my eyes again I glare at my sister, hating her input. "Stay the fuck out of it."

"Hm." She huffs, but then her posture changes and she straightens her back, holding her head high. "And if I don't? She's my fucking mate Emily, and you are acting like you couldn't care less about how he treats her. That's so shitty, just look at her! She adores you and fucking kisses the ground you walk on. How can you be that heartless?"

We all turn to look at her, wondering if she realised that she pretty much explained her own behaviour towards Effy. She has, with a glare and crossed arms, she rolls her eyes. "I meant you and Naomi, obviously, so don't read shit into it you fucking cows."

"What's your father said then?" Effy asks, slowly inching her way closer to Katie until she's next to her. My sister meets her eyes for one moment and it happens again, the transformation only Effy can achieve. The boiling, almost exploding annoyance and anger are suddenly gone and Katie lets out a huge sigh, almost as if she capitulated. The brunette nudges her with her shoulder, resting one arm firmly and confidently around her waist. Katie leans into her, watching the floor in sadness or something similar while she plays with Effy's rings. "Wasn't him only. My mum started going on and on about how awful you are, disrespecting him like that again. She meant the way you ran away to get serviettes. Then they ranted, how bad you were for me, how happy they are that you are gone and out of the picture as well as my life. They said they love me, support me, and how they cant wait for the wedding. Well, my mum said that, obviously Rob wouldn't live through saying such a thing."

The atmosphere changes rapidly and I search for Naomi's eyes, which keep looking at me hatred filled until she sighs and comes to stand close to me. I lean up and kiss her temple softly, so fucking glad that she stayed with me through all that my father has been throwing at her. Since we first met. So thankful that I found someone as amazing and talented, passionate and optimistic as her. That's what I am thanking god for, for bringing me this angel to show me the way to live my life to its fullest.

"When is Kyla coming?" Naomi asks with a sigh, looking at the miserable couple in front of us. Effy's eyes narrow and Katie frowns, not happy with the prospect of her fiancé joining this lovely dinner. "In about an hour, she's still at her meeting."

We close our eyes when my father yells for us.

_Coming home from school has never felt so depressive like for the past week. Naomi isn't back from London yet and it's her absence that shows me how much I got used to have her around. She is the one planning our days, arranging trips to the town, lies for my dad to swallow and things to explore for me. But with her gone I am back to doing the housework, homework and pray, all day long. _

_She has left five days ago, and I haven't gotten a call from her yet. _

_No message whatsoever. It's like I never existed in her life and I know that it's wrong thinking that way, she obviously has other problems to worry about right now, but I cant help feeling left out. _

_I'd be happy to help her through that horrible time, to try and do whatever needs to be done so she can focus on her father alone, to be with her and there for her, but she didn't want me to. _

_She's chosen Effy. _

_I wonder if it were even a decision to make in the first place, or, if she didn't stop to think about it at al. _

_Things will change, and I know that if I don't start living, she'll run away. _

_You see, there is this road we're on. We were walking side by side for a couple months now, content and happy, but then, then there was a crossroad which opened up new paths to walk on. I tried to follow her, but when Effy arrived in her life, it was hard to keep up and I can hardly see her now, that's how far away she already seems to be. Effy's pulling her along, she's dragging Eff with her, or perhaps they are simply running side by side? _

_Thinks need to change, Naomi needs to be forced opening her eyes and see me. _

_Really see me, who I am, hidden under all these layers and hair on my skin's every possible part. I can be modern, I can stop hiding, I most certainly can shave my legs, armpits and vagina, cant I? Why not? It's not like I'll miss all the gross, itchy hairs that annoy me. I could have my eyebrows done, perhaps I'd stop walking around like an 'M' (One of Effy's lovely nicknames for me, it took Naomi laughing at a bloke with together-grown eyebrows for me to realise what it meant)._

_Perhaps I could buy a pair of jeans and a shirt with a band logo on the front? Now I'm just dreaming, it's useless. My father would personally rip the clothes off of me and burn them in front of my very eyes. _

_It's my birthday in four days. _

_I have never wished for anything, maybe it's time for me to do so. _

"_Look at this love, isn't it just lovely?" Mrs. Campbell, or Gina how she makes me call her (I wont), is holding up another woolly piece of crap. Her smile, so sincere and lovely, falls when she sees my expression. "Emily darling, that's the seventh dress I'm showing you and you still haven't seen one you like? Why don't you wander off and look for yourself, obviously I am not much of a help." Her deep blue eyes are shining while they bore into mine, silently giving me the choice to go and find something modern, which she cant do because she has promised my father she wouldn't encourage any sinful clothing. _

_But if I went..._

"_What do you say? Is it too much?" I'm fidgeting, looking to the floor as I shuffle around, awkwardly. _

_She's watching me with wide eyes and a slacked jaw, not the reaction I was hoping for. Perhaps I look a joke? I knew this was not a good idea, I should have just "It's perfect! But we've got another stop we need to go to, come on love, lets move." I never knew that you could buy clothes while you are wearing them, but Gina simply dragged me to the counter and made the young girl scan the tags off the clothes while I still wore them. Funny that. _

_Shortly after we are walking up the High Street and come to an halt in front of a beauty salon. My eyes lock on Gina's, and I am hesitant to ask what we're supposed to be doing here. She beats me to it, sensing my discomfort, she pats my shoulder. "The problem is, Emily, that you cant wear those kind of jeans if you haven't shaved your legs. Shaving will only make them grow thicker, so you're getting waxed love. Your first waxing, it's really a very important part in becoming a woman." She's close to tears and my face shows the excitement I am feeling, it's bigger than the worry of pain. A laugh escaped her, when I grinned, ready to be waxed left and right. "Can I also have my brows done, please?" _

_An almost proud expression, the one I always see on Naomi's face when I do something she wouldn't expect me to, appears and she smiles. "We fucking well will. Come on, be prepared to get pampered." _

_Pampered isn't the word I'd describe what is happening to me right now with. _

_Pain. _

_I'm having tears in my eyes and there is blood in my mouth, from all the lip-biting. Silently I pray for it to be over soon, but god is angry at me for disobeying my father and he doesn't give a crap about my situation. _

_My legs were fine, it only hurt at the beginning, my armpits were very fast hairless but my eyebrows? That makes me cry and it feels like someone is ripping hair off of my body, one by one. _

_That's because she is, that...that blonde bimbo! She doesn't care that I am in pain, her annoyed groans and sighs show me that she'd rather be somewhere else, anywhere else than doing my brows. I don't find it very customer friendly to chew gum, open mouthed, in front of my face either. _

"_Almost done sweety, just stop moving." _

_When I have decided to get my brows done, I didn't mean to look like a pink zit. _

_My eyelids are swollen, they hurt, and they are also very pink. Not at all attractive I guess. Legs are itching, cant really move my arms, how is Naomi doing all that on a regular basis? Moisturise, the girl had ordered me, and I have but it wont stop being itching and annoying. _

_Mrs. Campbell has called my father and asked if I could stay over, we thought it wouldn't be such a good idea if I went home looking like that. He was hesitant at first, but reminded that Naomi was still away, he agreed without much of an argument. _

_If Mrs. Campbell was hurt by his obvious lack of adoration for her daughter, she didn't show it. "He's right, your father is, love. Naomi is one little ungrateful brat, she can be the hell for me, cant imagine what he's going through when she flies through his house like a monkey on MDMA." _

"_Naomi is very lovely." I defend, blushing when she gives me a weird look. "I'm sorry."_

"_No, no Emily it's fine. I'm just a bit confused. I really haven't thought you'd become such good mates to be true with you. It was a plan to keep her out of trouble, pairing her with you was, but I guess you two have found each other in the end. She will be over the moon when she sees how you look now, just imagine her face splitting in half. I'll get the mother of the year award for that one." She can talk, I muse, just the way her daughter does. "Would you like to try on the clothes we bought?" _

_I have tried on every piece we have picked out today. After I returned with the 'Ramones' T shirt, kiss, rolling stones, vans, converse and a couple others (I still have to find my style, trying everything out I've seen on girls my age until I find what is me). We bought three common jeans trousers, in black, dark red and denim. Then there are two short denim shorts, loads of tights, a simple black pair of converse, a black leather jacket with studs, a new messenger bag, sneaker socks, pretty bra and knickers that don't look like they belong to my great grandmother and a new watch. _

_I don't know how much all of it cost, but I really doubt my father's fifty quid paid for all of it. _

_When I mentioned it, Mrs. Campbell laughed it off and changed the subject, dragging me off to get my ears pierced. _

_I think she liked to do this, my first big girl shopping, showing me the ways of becoming a woman or at least a cool teenager. She has missed doing that with her daughter, perhaps it was good for her too. Therapeutic. _

"_What the fuck is going on here?" _

_Following the sound of that angry voice we move to get a better look at a puffy faced Naomi standing in the door frame, her arm possessively around Effy's waist. The brunette is smirking at me, in a 'you're in sooo much trouble and I'm soooo gonna enjoy it' way, making me gulp. _

_Mrs. Campbell's confusion fades and she glares slightly at her daughter, hands on her hips. "Not like that Naomi." _

"_Oh please, fuck off will ya? Coming back here, to you, away from home after a horrible week isn't worth a fucking: hello my lovely daughter, how was it to see the man who raised and loved you die? Huh? Just go playing perfect mother with fucking Emily, leave me the fuck alone." She hasn't looked at me once, perhaps when she came in, but surely not since then. Her eyes are glued to her mother's, both blonde's glaring as much as they can, not about to give in. "Manners, Naomi! Stop acting like a spoilt little brat and come give me a hug darling." _

_So much anger was in Gina's, Mrs. Campbell's voice but I think I misunderstood it. I misread everything, that much is clear from Naomi's next words. "Thank fuck I haven't let you come with me, who knows what you'd have said to dad, you useless fucking cow." Another look, so full of hate, is thrown at her mother, then Naomi turns to Effy and softens instantly. "Lets go upstairs, babe, you promised I could fuck you for six hours today, an hour for every day I stayed there." _

"_Naomi!" Gina shrieked, horrified by her daughter's blatant display of rebellion._

_Her eyes, when she turns to us, scare me. _

_They are so empty. _

"_Lets go then." Effy muttered, tugging on Naomi's leather jacket but the blonde keeps staring at her mother like she wanted her to drop dead. _

"_I wish it were you, not him. You know that, don't you? I fucking wished for it since the day he got sick but of fucking course Emily's precious bastard of a god wouldn't listen. He didn't deserve to die. How he worked his fingers to the bone for me, to make me happy and grow up in an fucking amazing environment, he has sacrificed himself for me. I wish it were you who's dead, not him. I'll wish it til the day I die." _

"_Baby" One look, a scathing one, lets Effy shut her mouth with a weary expression. _

_That's a first. Someone able to make Effy shut up like that, it didn't exist before today I'm sure. The sob I hear from my right is breaking my heart and I make the mistake to rush over to Mrs. Campbell intending to comfort her. "That's rich, Emily trying to play the hero...again. Don't you have your own fucking home to be your stupid, holy self at? Just fuck off and leave my mother alone. It's not my fault yours isn't here and you only have your stupid father." _

"_Naomi, I know that you are hurt, I cant even start to imagine what you must be feeling but love, Emily hasn't done anything to deserve this kind of painful shit you're throwing at her." Gina sighs, rubbing my arms but it's useless, I've already broken out in tears. _

_Great, Emily. _

_This family has serious problems right now. A mourning teenager who never lost anyone before, a mother trying to keep her anger in check because she knows how much Naomi is hurt, and what am I doing? Making it about myself...again. _

_I cant just be there for her, try and reach her, can I? No, I have to act like her hurting my feelings is the end of the world when her father has just died. "It's fine." I wipe my face, my hurting eyes, with my sleeve and smile sadly at a glaring Naomi. "I better be going, think my father wont like it if I don't get home soon." _

_Gina looks almost disappointed, when the lies rolls off my tongue, and I'm surprised to see a look of disgust on Naomi's face. She scoffs. "Fucking lame lie don't you think Em? What, you didn't think I'd first be on my way to see you when I get back? I know that you were having a 'girls' day out with my mum, ending it with a nice slumber party." She air-quoted the words, making the day, everything we did, everything I learned and the first time that I felt like a normal fourteen years old girl look ridiculous. _

_How can she be so bad? It's not mean, it's like she is another person, a really angry, empty, bad one I'm not sure I am strong enough to like. "Just fucking go." _

"_I'm going." _

"_No, Emily's staying. She cant go home now, how will that look Naomi? Just be reasonable, she doesn't have to sleep in your bed you know." Gina diplomatically tries to reach her daughter's logical side, with not much luck, Effy crosses the last part of Naomi that was still in reality. "Yeah, I wouldn't want holy Fitch lusting over my girlfriend, or worse, hump her in her sleep." _

_It's not even funny how this strangled cry explodes out of me. _

_I'm out of the house in no time, barging inside my home, with my Chuck's still covering my feet, I run upstairs. My father is too slow and when he finally gets to my room, I have pushed my chair in front of the door, sitting down on it, so he cant come in. He's knocking, hesitantly, asking what is wrong. _

"_Nothing! Go away!" _

_There is a moment of silence, then I hear him grunt. "All right. Just answer me one question please, are you okay?" _

"_No I'm not! I cant show my face outside, every again! NEVER! And that is all your fault!" I yell, banging my head on the door, crying a river. "You had to raise me into this...this fucking freak! Why? Why have you fucked up my life?! You ruined it! You ruined everything! You and fucking god!I hate that you made me be this way, I hate that you allowed me to turn into such a freak! I hate you..I hate you for not letting me drink coke, allowing me sugar or biscuits! I hate that you make me do all the housework! I hate that you chained me to this house! I hate you for ruining my life! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" _

_I'm hysterical at that point, banging the back of my head against the door repeatedly. "I hate you soo much!" _

"_Open the fucking door or I'll kick it in, princess!" _

_Effy's angry order freezes me, scaring me half to death. I hold my breath, hoping she'll leave if she doesn't hear me but that's a stupid wish. I jump away from the door when she runs into it, with her whole body. Of course she hasn't kicked it in, but it scared me enough to get up and let her walk in. _

_She's properly fuming. _

_Marching up to me as I speed off backwards up my bed and almost into wall until I have nowhere to go, Effy glares like she wanted to see me dead. When she's on my bed, straddling me, her hands goe to my chin and she holds it painfully, making me look at her. She speaks through gritted teeth. "Your best friend is hurt, you fucking selfish bitch. She's in so much pain it's ripping her apart so fucking painfully she doesn't know how to deal. She ran after you, because she actually cares about your stupid act in her sitting room, only to hear you talk that way to your fucking father? Get a fucking gripEmily. The man didn't do it on purpose! You cant fucking punish him for something you haven't even tried to change. You allowed it to happen, you showed him that his way was correct so how can you fucking stand there and yell that bullshit at him? Hm?" _

"_You don't know anything!" I yell into her face and it only makes her angrier. _

_She pinches my chin harder, bringing her face closer and good lord I am about to shit my pants. "All I know is that you let him do it. And I also know, that when you asked for money and the permission to go buy clothes and shit for your birthday he didn't forbid it, he gave you the money. You wanted to change something, go shopping without him, chose your own stuff, he let you. You sleep at Naomi's once a week, she is here all the time. You go to town with us, we watch telly, we were at McDonalds, he lets you stay out for longer than six pm. That fucking shows me that he is willing to change things so don't make him the monster you'd like him to be. It's sad, to realise that all this time it weren't him who was holding you back, it was you. But that doesn't give you the right to act like this. Fucking graceless wannabe." I'm scared she might actually spit in my face she's that pissed off. "She's hurt, so fucking hurt about her father's death. And she comes to see you only to hear you were out with her mother, whom she's blaming because she has to blame someone, was out with you having girls day. She gets here and hears you talk to him that way. It's not okay." _

"_Where is she?" I hoarsely whisper. _

"_Downstairs with your dad. Comforting him." _

_It breaks my heart, seeing my father's hurt expression when I enter the kitchen. I really have acted badly, he doesn't deserve that, not really. Something is happening to me, something I don't like, it makes me act ungrateful and cheeky, rude. _

_Naomi is sitting on our kitchen counter, smoking a cigarette, sharing some jack with my father. This is new. The smoking too, she never was allowed to smoke inside of the house. "Father? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you the way I did. It's not your fault I was being miserable, and I hope that you can forgive me." _

_When he doesn't say a word I look up from the floor, only to be met with two pair of shocked eyes staring at me like I am insane. Following their eyes I sigh, running a hand through my hair. "What do you say? Do you hate it?" Uncomfortable silence. "I know you said not to get over board with the clothes' choice but" _

"_Stop Emily." My father orders with a tired voice, shaking his head. "Just stop." _

"_But dad"_

"_No." And then he is getting up and walking up the stairs without looking backwards once. My scared eyes find Naomi's and she sighs, shrugging her shoulders. "Do you think he'll forgive me?" _

"_He's your dad, he will forgive you everything. He's made that way, you know." _

"_But...he looked so disappointed." _

"_He is." With a groan Naomi jumps off the counter and reaches for Effy's hand, pulling her close. "But every normal father is bound to be disappointed by his teenager daughter. That's as normal as snow in winter twenty years ago." When they walk past me, Naomi stops, eyeing me. "Cool shirt." _

_Somehow, hearing that from her, suddenly made everything not seem as bad any more. _

_Perhaps we're not done yet. _


	7. Eff's Horror Show

_All right, here's the next one. I've decided to explain the characters a bit more in this chapter. have fun!_

_PS: Katie is wearing the outfit from her episode, only in red...you'll know when I'll make this then so you know( +++ )it's now._

* * *

"Emily, my proud and joy, tell us how university is treating you." My father mumbles, desperate for a change of the tension filled atmosphere. It's awful. Since we had to come back from the kitchen there's been this..tension. All glares and ignorance. It's like no one wants to talk anyone.

"Uh, yes." I cough, gathering my mates attention before I start breaking the ice again. "It's okay. I think I'll have to attend about one or two extra semesters though. One of the assignments I've had to finish for the third semester which I didn't finish in time, remember? I've to do that again to get my credits but I cant earlier than in the seventh semester. That blows."

"Emily." My father sighs, looking at me disapproving. I shrug, it does blow.

Effy nods with a grimace, chewing on her meatball. "Remember the seventh, it's not that full but you'll never be finished with your sixth semester crap so you'll have to do that in the seventh. Means you've not got enough time to finish the assignment in the seventh. You reckon it's only one you'll have to" And it's one of perhaps five conversation I've had with Effy that didn't end with me crying or one of us leaving, but I cant listen to her bored voice.

You're probably wondering who we are and what we are doing, _exactly_. I have just realised that I haven't really explained anything, just rambled on about things. Okay, so lets start with Effy. She's 23 years old, rich, and she grew up without her parents. Her maid has raised her, a Spanish woman, perhaps Mexican or Italian. I cant tell. Effy is very intelligent, she's always been a fucking sponge, soaking up everything she could. She didn't have to be at school to be intelligent, the opposite. I can tell you how many times she's sat in the classroom in college, about twelve times, every time she had to take an exam. On the other days she's been with Naomi bunking off, with Cook or with Katie. But I am getting ahead of myself here. Lets see, Elizabeth Stonem, what's to say about her other than her obvious love for Katie and hate for me? I guess you could say that she's really found a soul mate in Naomi, they are getting on like a house on fire those two. It hadn't worked out with their 'relationship' and my poor girlfriend had to endure her first heartbreak, of course I was there to pick up the huuuuge pieces, but they are really the best of mates. I think Naomi could never decide who she's loving more, my sister or their ex.

Effy has a brother, he's some kind of company owner with an enormous bank account and an Italian wife, his Nannies daughter. She could be Mexican too. Other than that, I don't really know much about her. She's read theatre and has a master of arts, running a theatre/musical in London's underground. I'll never forget how I have found out about her obsession for theatres, it has changed all our lives.

* * *

"_Hi, how are you? I just wanted to ask if you..if you wanted to hang out later? I could really use a mate right now, my dad is making me crazy Naomi. You have no idea." I'm almost fifteen and my dad's going nuts with all the changes I'm demanding. I simply wont live in a fucking cage any more, not me, no. Soo much has changed in the past year, ever since Naomi's moved here but I cant dwell on that now, I need my friend. _

_Sadly we're not as close as we were. Haven't seen much of her since she left for college this year. I know, I'm making it sound like she's moved away but she might as well have. She's never around any more, sure, she's not Effy's girlfriend either and they are nothing more than mates but that doesn't mean she's living a life without pleasure. She's back to her fuck'em leave'em phase, the two of them are on the prowl all the time. They are at Roundview college and are off getting pissed all the time. _

_I join them from time to time, but Naomi has stopped lying to my dad a few months ago which means that we haven't spent much time together. I don't really know what she's up to these days and I'd like to know. A year ago, exactly one year and two weeks ago I have started changing my style and everything, haven't stopped ever since. I just...I don't know who I am yet and I fucking need to find out. "Listen Em, today's not a good time, yeah? I'll come by on Sunday."_

"_You've got loads to do what with your A-Levels and all, I understand." But she laughs, beautifully and so fucking loud that it makes me smile, confused waiting for her explanation. "Don't be a clot Ems, course not. College's fun, and it's not because the lessons. Just wait til you get here next year you'll have the time of your life."_

"_Uh, I wont."_

"_Sure you will, you're a fucking swot." _

"_That's not what I meant. I wont be there next year because I'm only fourteen Naomi, I still got two more years."_

_She's silent, at least she's got enough decency to feel awkward that she's forgotten how old I am. Rightly so, it isn't like we're completely out of each other's life, she should remember that I am not her age and that it's two years that we're apart. "Right. Sorry, anyway, like I said; it's not a good time."_

"_But..I miss spending time with you and I want you to meet someone." There's silence again, hanging over our heads and I can practically see her ponder. "It's important."_

"_You've found your future husband then? Holy daddy approving of him?" I know that she is a huge bitch but it's Naomi and you have no idea how charming and exciting she is, not only in a sexual way. I've long since figured out that I am crushing on her, badly. Google has stopped being my social helper and I befriended a few people from school. But it's been Naomi who has taught me loads, never having an idea that I was learning what it meant that I am feeling for her. _

"_No." I sigh, rubbing my forehead. "You know what? Forget it. You're busy I understand, don't worry. I've got to go now." _

"_Ems wait." But I hang up, groaning. When did that happen that we're not even close enough to see each other without making an appointment first? I had no idea that college would change so many things for us, we're neighbours, thought it's a given that we're constantly around one another. _

_Since when does she think that I am looking for a husband? _

_I thought that we've established my desire to love the female population the way she does. Of course I never will but...I can dream. _

"_Emily, I don't appreciate you talking that way about me with that girl. Especially not with me in the room." My father's stern voice interrupts my train of thoughts and I glare at him. How dare he trying to control the way I talk? The way I look? The way I fucking walk? We're in the 21 century and we stopped riding ass long ago. Ha, I love calling them that. "I'm serious and I demand your respect." _

"_Well, tough, you've got to fucking earn it because dad," I make a dramatic pause, staring him square in the eye Naomi would, "it's not a fucking given. Treat me with respect and I'll respect you. Keep me in chains and I'll not even try." _

_He is shaking his head, watching me disappointingly with a look of longing. "Where are you Emily? I don't understand what's happened to you. I really don't think I could and it's breaking my heart not to be there for you and lead you back into the light." _

_I was about to slap him my answer around his fucking bonce when Naomi saved him,walking into the house as if we invited her. Dad always has this one vein getting all thick and big when she does that, but her charming smile and pretty lies calm him down, even when he doesn't want it. He just cant stay mad at her. Not even now, what with her leather trousers, the red, barley breasts covering boob tube and biker boots. _

_Pure picture of perfection. _

_Her hair is covered by a red bandanna, flowing down her back in thick waves. Black/purple smoky eyes are staring at me, well, grey eyes are but the make up is phenomenal. I feel like I haven't seen her in years and not weeks. Her left ear has loads earrings hanging from it and clipped in it, her right one has only two, the huge Creole and a long guitar. She has the most random earrings ever. One looks like a zip-fastener, a nappy pin, a plectrum, stud, a bottle of toxic and so on. Today she looks so sexy I feel my knickers agreeing. "Wow. You...you're looking.."_

"_Yeah, right. Go on, tell me it's not appropriate for me to walk up and down the streets looking like a baby whore. Don't hold back." Daring me, she glares, crossing her arms. But I really don't want to say all that. _

"_No, I meant, fucking hell Naomi you're looking really sexy." _

_She grins, just like that, and touches her huge hair that's hanging off her shoulders down her back. "You really think so?"_

"_I do." _

_We smile at each other for a few moments until my father's cough brings me back to reality, thankfully. Otherwise she'd have realised what a perv I am. "Naomi, I didn't know you were going to stop by."His words are cold, informing her that he doesn't like her surprise visits. _

"_You know Rob? I had no idea myself but Ems made me feel like a real wanker so I thought, why not?" His expression is priceless and her innocent fake smile sets me off into a mass of giggles. Her head turns to me and she giggles herself, with shining eyes and a proud expression like she's achieved the best thing ever. I think now that her face fell and she meets my dad's glare with fear in her eyes, is a pretty good point for assuming she's realised that she's cursed speaking to him. "Fuck, I'm sorry." My father has given up long ago trying to make her stop saying the 'f word' as he calls it, it was no use. It's like telling her to stop breathing. Her amused eyes meet mine and there's the evil smirk I love sooo much, the one telling me that I am in for a special treat, something god will send me to hell for. "Up for the corruption of your life? I need help with maths, exam next week and you know that trigonometry breaks me." Bless my father, who's so clueless he thinks the 'corruption' is merely being with her and doing maths. It is enough for him to know, think he'll have a heart attack if he knew what she makes me see when we go out. _

_Personally I don't take drugs or drink, I don't sleep with boys, and I sure as hell don't sleep with girls but I see Naomi do all that and more. Well, except for the shagging obviously. Don't get me wrong, since we talked a year ago I haven't lost my believe or the love for god, I just...the way I see it; murderers get to go to heaven because they are sorry and they confessed, and I am supposed to land in hell when I watch my mates have fun? I don't think so. Of course I do pray twice as much now if not more. "Perhaps you should consider tutoring Naomi, Emily will need time to study herself, she wont be able to help you every time you decide to write an exam and care about it." _

_She's nodding, her jaw is set so hard I can see it twitching, but she's holding back and I love her for not exploding on him. "Right. You're finished then Em?" _

"_I don't appreciate being ignored Naomi." Why cant he stop being the way he is, once? He has to challenge her, why does he have to do that? Why cant he see how pure her heart is? How much love and warmth and good she has inside of her? Why does he have to have the freaking mentality of the people who lived in Jesus' time? Only because the Ten Commandments were written down then, doesn't mean that everyone not choosing to fully follow them, 2000 years later, is a bad person. Or that he has to act like he's living in that time. _

"_I'm not ignoring you Rob. Actually I am trying not to get worked up by your blatant bash to make me yell at you so you can stop Emily from seeing me. But I wont, so you cant." She turns back to me, smiling. "Ready? Or do you wanna change first?"_

"_No I'm good, lets go." _

"_Uh...perhaps you should change." Quirking my brow, Naomi laughs at me. "You're still in your cozzy. Been swimming without me then? I don't know how I feel about that, you're not supposed to live and have fun without me. You should be home, all depressed and begging god for better days." With rolling eyes I pull her upstairs. It warms me from the insight to hear her splitting laughter, knowing that she laughs at her own wittiness. Somehow, that makes me love her a bit more. _

_Yes, I know that I used the big bad word but who am I trying to kid? It's been ages since I stopped pretending that I don't. I love Naomi, simple as that. I wont ever have her, just as simple. And I'll still go to hell, or God forgives me for lusting over her. Only time will tell. "Holy fucking cow Emily these are amazing! When'd you get them?" She's drooling over my new chucks, three colour padded collar, black, red, yellow. Cost a fortune but I have never spent any money so I could buy them when they were sold three months ago. "Why do you have to be so tiny? I mean, that's hobbit sized shit. Look!" We break out in laughter when I see her have my chuck dangling from her foot. _

"_What are we doing here?" _

"_Just wait and see, you'll be fucking amazed." _

"_But...is Elizabeth going to be here?" _

"_Yes. You wont recognize her, I promise." She's winked at me and dragging me into the falling apart building. I dodge broken glass, mattresses, dirt and other rubbish until we're in a huge room with a stage. Curious creatures are dancing and singing, obviously rehearsing. _

_I think she took me to a musical rehearsal. _

_Before I have the chance to ask her what the hell we're doing here Naomi's started walking backwards towards the stage, grinning at me evilly. "It's astounding...time is fleeting, madness takes its toll." Oh my god she's singing! And fucking well on top of that. _

_Throwing her hands out, she never breaks eye contact with me and then the music starts. "But listen closely...not for very much longer, I've got to...keep control." She jumps up on the stage, being helped by two other people I cant really see. Then a loud, booming voice left her slender body with the start of next verse, only to be followed by lowly singing again. "__**I remember**__...doing the time warp! Drinking those moments when blackness would hit me" She's winked at me and then I shudder, never knowing that Effy could have such a strong voice. She appears out of thin air next to me, practically singing the words into my face. "And the void would be calling!" She's off and jumping up the stage, all of them, perhaps about six people throw their right hand in the air. "LETS DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!" Now their other hands are thrown up. "LETS DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!" _

"_It's just a jump to the left." A lisping voice screamed through the speakers and, oh god, they all jumped to the left and are making weird movements. "And now a step to the right." They do that, twisting their right arms and legs. "Put your hands on your hips!" Oh god, this is bad, really bad. All of them are now screaming the chorus I think and they are making the universal body language sign for shagging. Pumping their hips with their hands holding the imaginary bum. Singing; "You bring your knees in tight. But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane." Now they are rolling their hips and Naomi is staring at me so fucking deeply I could die. Or perhaps it's because she's actually being held by Effy during that scene. All of them are stood in a circle, their hands wrapped around the next person's hips, shagging with clothes. Or 'being driven insane by the pelvic thrusts'. _

_They've jumped apart just when I am sure my lungs don't get enough air, throwing their right hand up again. "Let's do the time-warp again. Let's do the time-warp again."_

_Suddenly it's only Effy with Naomi on stage, the others are somewhere else. The brunette is seductively sauntering towards Naomi, her hips rolling beautifully and her eyes set on the grey ones making me crazy. When she's close enough she grabs Naomi's waist and pulls her flat against her own, sparsely dressed body. " It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me. So you can't see me, no, not at all." Her right leg, the one I see the best, circles around Naomi's waist when she throws it up, the blonde instantly catching it and pulling the brunette close by her bum. She buries her head in her neck. I cant see if she's kissing Effy's skin, the brunette's huge hair isn't letting me see it. I only see that Naomi sure as hell acts like she is and Effy even moans when she pulls her head closer. "In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention well secluded, I see all." Whispering the words she sets her eyes on me, it's almost as if she's just told me that she knows. _

_Oh my god, she knows. She fucking knows. She's always known and she still does and I am such a fucking stupid cow! How come I never thought of that? She's always made digs and needles but I thought...I thought she was only doing that because she heard me talk about girls that one time. Well, about her how I had imagined her scent to smell like. _

_She knows. _

_Does Naomi know as well? _

_Oh my god, please don't make her know it, please. _

_Naomi's voice, mumbling against Effy's neck brings me back from panic land. She must be using the brunette's mic, there's no way I'd be able to hear her otherwise and she didn't have time to put a mic on. Except they did it while they danced or when she got up the stage. "With a bit of a mind flip"_

_Effy responds, thrusting her hips like she's actually being fucked by my best friend while she sings. "You're into the time slip." Naomi grabs her then and kisses her before singing her next line, so passionately that it takes my breath away. God, they are beautiful. "And nothing...can ever be the same." She's staring at her, staring into Effy's eyes. Even I know that she's trying to make her see how much being apart hurts her. How nothing could ever be the same after Effy. _

_Stroking her cheek gently, I cant tell if it's in the script or purely Effy, she whispers the next words as if it pained her. "You're spaced out on sensation." _

_Then, all of a sudden, the booming voice which has surprised me so much earlier is back and Naomi pushes Effy away, turns her around and slams her hips into her arse as if she were fucking her. Her right hand is pushing her down by the small of her back and the other hands is tangled in her huge hair as she screams:"__**Like you're under sedation**__!"_

_All the other people are back and they do the chorus again, the weird lisping voice telling them to go to the right, left and do the pelvic thrust. _

_Another 'main' character appears, or someone who is allowed to sing more than the chorus. She's strutting towards me from the door we came through. She's looking really beautiful too. Dark purple hair, smoky eyes, and a red leather outfit (+++), this is obviously meant to be erotic with all the beautiful girls. Oh and the boys are fine too, topless with skin tight jeans and so hard muscles even I feel myself blushing. _

_The girl is now standing by me, her right index finger is running over my shoulder while she sings at me. "Well I was walking down the streets, just ta having a think. When a snake of a girl gave me an evil wink." She winks at me and then waves, so over the top, at a smirking Naomi. "She shook-a me up, she took me by surprise. She had a pick-up truck and the devil's eyes." She lets go of me after pressing a kiss to my lips and then she's off running up the stage with the help of the others. But it's Naomi in who's arms she's landing then, still singing me the story and I cant help being curious how it had ended. "She stared at me and I felt a change." Motioning to her crotch, I try averting my eyes but she's pulled me in and I cant. Not when Naomi is rolling her hips again, this time against the girl's bum, grinding into her. "Time meant nothing" I actually gasped when Naomi's growled the words ;"Never __**would**__ again" grabbing her neck she crashes their lips together. She's still standing behind the girl and has turned her head only, it's fucking beautiful. _

_I wish I were that girl. _

"_CUT!" Effy's angry voice echoes through the almost empty hall, making everyone stop mid air throwing their right hand up for the chorus. Naomi is the one, panting, who gets into her face for stopping. "What the fuck Eff? It was well fantastic what's your problem?" _

"_It wasn't fantastic, wasn't even well and you'd know it if you had any idea how it __has__ to look! Again!" Everyone is back on their places, I haven't seen that before, Naomi had started right when we got into the room. But they don't really want to do it again, moaning and groaning until Effy decides it's time for a break. When the others went away, probably for a cigarette or a beer, both of __them stayed and start fighting. _

"_Naomi, this is my group and I'm in charge. If I tell you that I want to do it again because it wasn't perfect you're not supposed to argue like a little brat, you're supposed to do it again and be better." _

"_Oh, so it's me who's fucked up?" My beautiful mate is shaking with anger, clenched fists and all. "Get real Eff, you're jealous." _

"_Jealous?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Interesting. Why would that be?"_

"_Because I'm snogging Katie, why else?"_

"_Right. Because that's not implausible at all, is it? I just have to still be mourning our break up which happened ages ago. And that's why I've written your character to be the slut in the play, because I cant stand seeing you do just that. Makes sense clever clogs, now that you've mentioned it." Okay, this is horrible. _

_I know that I am not Effy's biggest fan, and I certainly wasn't a fan of them being together, but this is a train wreck in slow motion. I know how much she means to Naomi and that she's still hurt they're not spending any time together. "Excuse me? I have a question." I even raised my hand, how lame am I? _

_Pretty lame I'd say, if their incredulous expressions are anything to go by. "Yes Emily?" Naomi smirks, winking at Effy. Oh, so that's how it is, I see. All tooth and claw until little Emily acts like a fool and they can gang up on me again. Nice. _

_Or is it? _

_They are joking now, raising their hands and imitating me, but I am not mad. I'm glad the fight is over. "Wow, you got them to stop bitching, you must be a wizard."_

_Turning my head I turn and see who seems to be Katie, she's sitting on an old whiskey barrel, smoking. "I'm Katie." I shake her outstretched hand and smile, she seems nice. "Emily. Are you a friend of them? Haven't seen you before."_

"_Not really. We moved here two months ago and my neighbour, Freddie, he's the topless brown haired bloke here. Don't know if you saw him the way you were ogling Naomi." _

"_I haven't!" _

"_Anyway" She's waved my protest away like I told her something about ancient theology. "He said they needed a narrator and if I was up for it. Effy thought I should get a bigger role and here I am, Columbia in the Rocky horror show." _

_Okay, no idea who Columbia is or the Rocky horror show (probably Katie's character and the show they are doing, god Emily try not to be as stupid) but I think I like her. _

"_Right. I never said you should get a bigger role! You __voted__, stage hog." Effy mutters, throwing __angry daggers at the pretty girl beside me. Katie simply smirks at her, winking, it brings an aggravated groan out of the brunette and then she's off out of the door. Naomi walks towards us, drinking her water in huge gulps, and smiles proudly when she reaches the barrel. "So, whatcha think? Not half bad, huh?"_

"_Not half bad? Naomi! Have you heard yourself? That was absolutely brilliant!"_

* * *

It was a real success, their show was. It was called 'Eff's Horror Show'. Not the most enterprising name but it was her first play and they had made amazing money with it. Effy even have me a job, back then, I was supposed to stop everyone from bashing their heads in with beer bottles. Years later I've found out that the building had been in the Stonem family since it was build almost 2 centuries ago and that she had specially for the show, made it look that rotten. That was an amazing summer, amazing people and so much fun.

"What about you, Naomi? When are you going to start making money?" My fucking sensitive father asks with a smile, he thinks he's so clever. As if we didn't know how much he despised her. "I assume your mother doesn't want to cover your bills your entire life."

Rolling my eyes I squeeze Naomi's hand on top of the table, praying she'll try to stay calm.

"She's made more money than any of you ever will, back off will you? Fuck's sake, why cant you just be happy for Emily? She's your daughter!" My stepsister, the amazing warrior Katie, who's never afraid to get her weapons out, snaps.

Katie. There's so much to tell about her but I think I need to try and defuse this bomb first she's set off a second ago.


End file.
